How to Simulate a Blowjob

Blowjobs are one of the greatest sexual experiences for any man regardless of sexual orientation. Unfortunately, if you aren’t in a relationship they can be quite hard to come by. This is where many men might turn to all kinds of techniques and devices to try and emulate the feeling of getting a real blowjob.

Even men in relationships might have reasons to try some of these techniques. Blowjobs are great at getting men in the mood for sex, but there may be reasons why it isn’t an option for you and your partner. It might be the taste, the size of the mouth or penis, or even some kind of medical condition preventing you.

Whatever the reason you want to simulate a blowjob, we have a few different options for you to try out. How successful they are will be largely down to personal preference, so you may have to try several and find something that works for you.

Vacuum Cleaners

I almost feel bad for bringing this one up. Every year, hundreds of people across the world end up in A&E with vacuum cleaners stuck to their penises. This is not something I would ever recommend you doing no matter how desperate you are for an orgasm.

That being said, I know for a fact that some people will ignore this. They’ll think that it’ll be fine for them, and they won’t be the ones to end up in hospital. If this is you, then stick to a low setting, don’t fully insert your penis and leave room for airflow, and make sure you’re able to reach the off switch just in case.

Some people enjoy using vacuum cleaners and don’t care about the risks, so that’s fine for them. As I said, I wouldn’t recommend it, and it’s definitely not going to be as good as some other methods at emulating blowjobs.

Moisturiser Bottles

Using bottles as sex toys can give you some pretty awesome experiences. It will probably take you a while to find a bottle that is the right size for your penis, but it’ll be worth it. You want to have a bottle that is half full, insert your penis and squeeze the bottle. The squeezing creates suction which can give you some intense orgasms.

Joints of Meat

This one might sound a little gross to some of you, but it can actually feel pretty nice. You don’t want to use any meat that isn’t cooked or that you still want to eat. A chunk of cooked ham is ideal. Cut a hole in it big enough to put your penis in. The great benefit with using meat is you can make the hole as tight as you like. Fill the hole with some kind of sauce, and then heat in the microwave for 20-30 seconds. Pop your finger in the hole to check that it isn’t too hot, then if everything is good go to town!

Jelly

Jelly is an ideal thing to simulate the suction of a blowjob. Put it in a bowl, insert your penis and enjoy! Quickly thrusting in and out of the jelly creates both friction and suction. If you want it to feel even more realistic, try heating up your jelly before you start.

Auto-fellatio

While it isn’t quite simulating blowjobs, some of you might be gifted enough to suck your own penis. This isn’t something that should be taken lightly though. It takes a lot of flexibility to reach your own penis. Obviously having a slightly large one will help too. If you decide to try this yourself, make sure you thoroughly stretch out, and never push yourself too hard or you might damage your back or neck.

Pocket Pussies

Pocket pussies are probably the closest you’ll be able to come to experiencing a blowjob without using a mouth. You can get pocket pussies designed with a mouth at the top complete with teeth and tongue. Several pocket pussies even have ways inside them to simulate the suction you’ll get from a real mouth. For the most authentic experience, warm up your pocket pussy before you start so it feels just like a real mouth!

If you’re willing to move past using any old object you can find around your house, and want to try out a pocket pussy, then head over to our store to browse. If you aren’t quite sold yet, then have a read of our guide to pocket pussies for anything you need to know.