Choosing the Right Sex Machine: Buyer’s Guide

Posted by Andrew Schroeder on

So you’ve decided to get yourself a sex machine. Good for you! Sex machines are the sex toy of the future. However, keep in mind that, just like men, not all of these devices are created equal. As with all other toys on the market, you have to find the one that’s a perfect fit for you. But which factors should you be on the lookout for?

Although every sex machine will simulate intercourse and make your solo and partnered sessions steamier and more intense, you still have a lot to consider before getting one. After all, they are quite pricey, and we’re guessing that you want to get your money’s worth.

Types of Sex Machine

Before you think about anything else, sit down and discuss with your partner (or, you know, just by yourself) what type of sex machine you’d like. Based on your needs, means, and, of course, fantasies, you can pick among:

  • Saddles
  • Monkey Rockers
  • Thrusters
  • Power tool toys

Giddy Up!

Saddles are the ideal type for riders while also being body-safe. They allow the user to straddle them and vibrate (a lot!). This allows both penetrative and clitoral stimulation. You can attach a dildo to the saddle, although some say that, thanks to the powerful vibrations, that isn’t always necessary. Cam models love this type of sex machine because it allows for a clear view (and immense sexual pleasure). Not to mention, there’s usually a remote control option, so one person can reap the benefits while the other controls the machine.

The Rocky Road to Orgasm

Monkey rockers are the Yin to a saddle’s Yang. While the vibrations of saddle machines are loud and not at all subtle, Monkey Rockers use a gentle (and silent) rocking motion to please the user. Keep in mind that no vibrations means that these aren’t battery-powered, so you have to rely on your own strength to keep the attached dildo thrusting into you. So better not skip leg day!

Onwards and Upwards

Thrusters are the most common sex machine out there because of their versatility. As the name suggests, they use a “thrusting” motion to pleasure the user. They can be of the standing or hand-held variety. Either way, there’s a rod that you can attach a dildo to. The battery powers the rod and thrusts the dildo in and out. Power tool toys are a variation of the thrusters, but they achieve high speed. Not everyone can take that, and it isn’t particularly safe, especially if you don’t take precautions (such as applying A LOT of lube). Still, even with plenty of lube and gentle silicone toys, anal penetration via power tool machines can be agonizing.

Removable Attachments

Once you know which type of sex machine you’re interested in, take a close look at the features. What does a specific device have to offer you? Furthermore, what are you looking to get out of it?

Removable attachments are a significant factor here. If you’re going to be using the machine with a partner of a different sex, it’s vital that the accessories are removable. What’s more, the connective sections for the attachments have to be able to house various sex toys for both male and female pleasure.

Still, even if you aren’t using the sex machine with a partner, you might be interested in trying out double penetration. That’s why the attachments must be removable and interchangeable. The more variety the sex machine can offer you, the better. Keep in mind that cheap sex machines usually won’t be as adaptable as those with a steeper price.

Speed

The entire point of sex machines is to have a hands-free penetrative experience that you can control. That includes managing the speed and depth of thrusts. In fact, speed is one of the main features that you should be paying attention to, particularly its variety.

Most machines offer an adjustable speed controller that allows for a steady (or erratic) thrusting pace. This pace can vary from 1 to 250 or more thrusts per minute.

However, the best sex machines will also have a highly controlled starting speed. If you’re a beginner or a sex machine virgin, having intercourse with a sex machine isn’t something that you want to begin abruptly. Therefore, a slow, gentle starting speed and an option to gradually increase it are a must-have.

Thrusting Depth

Thrusting depth goes hand in hand with speed. Namely, aside from controlling the velocity, you’ll also want to control the intensity of thrusts. Otherwise, you might end up feeling the attached dildo so far up that you’ll think it’s in your throat. Most machines have a thrusting rage between one and five to ten inches.

To avoid being impaled by your new toy, always start with the shallow thrusting depth. Again, versatility is key here. The best sex machines have a wide range of both depth and speed of thursts and allow you to adjust and experiment with both at the same time.

When choosing a sex machine, pay attention to the safety mechanism on the speed and depth features. Because both are usually controlled by turning knobs on the remote, make sure that there’s a mechanism that will prevent you from accidentally changing it all the way to the maximum. Although memorable, such an experience would surely be painful.

How Much Space You Have Available

As we’ve mentioned before, buying a sex machine shouldn’t be an impulse decision. Aside from assessing your needs and wants, you also have to determine your capabilities.

Now, people usually look at the price first. Although the budget is essential, we aren’t actually referring to the cost of the machine while talking about capabilities. There are also other things to consider, such as space.

Sex machines are a unique sex toy. Much like sex dolls, they aren’t discreet. They are usually large and take up quite a bit of space. In other words, you can’t put them in a drawer and call it a day.

So before you make a purchase, think about your storage space. If you have the luxury to keep scandalous stuff out in the open, then maybe size isn’t a determining factor for you. However, not all of us can afford to have a sex machine in the middle of our bedroom. Although tempting and practical, we all have to maintain a modicum of decorum.

Therefore, you’ll probably have to store your machine in a closet or some other storage unit that you have available. If you live in a small apartment, consider getting a device that you can easily take apart and store in several closets, for example.

Which Size Attachments Are Right for You?

Compared to regular sex toys that you have to manipulate manually, a sex machine is a whole different experience. Although they have a lot in common with quite a few other types of toys, sex machines are the best of all worlds. They vibrate, throb, are automatic, you can straddle them, etc.

As we’ve mentioned, the best sex machines are versatile. That means you can attach more than one type of accessory to it. It’s always nice to have the option of switching between a dildo, a fleshlight, or a double penetration option. Furthermore, there are machines out there that will allow you to attach a whole sex doll to it for a more realistic experience.

However, no matter how much thought you put into choosing the right sex machine, you’ll never find one that will fit perfectly with ALL sex toys, attachments, and accessories.

Depending on the type of machine, some toys simply won’t fit. Saddle machines, for example, aren’t suitable for double penetration dildos, double-sided dildos, and many other toys.

What’s more, due to the nature of the devices, some toys, such as large, monster dildos, or beaded toys and toys with ridges, such as anal beads, won’t be suitable either. These types of accessories need to be inserted and used carefully, so automated penetration isn’t something that we’d recommend. Furthermore, many of them can’t even be attached to the machine.

A Few Parting Words

No matter which sex machine you choose, satisfaction is almost guaranteed. However, keep in mind everything we mentioned and try to find the best fit for your needs. Because buying a sex machine is a big investment, there’s not a lot of room for trial and error when it comes to purchasing. Still, if you consider all the factors we discussed, you should be fine. Thanks to the sex-positive movement, sex machines are no longer taboo like they once were, so make your choice, and enjoy it proudly!


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