Ruined Orgasms and Orgasm Denial: The Perfect BDSM Punishment

Posted by Andrew Schroeder on

For years, people have been experimenting with different ways to orgasm and pleasure themselves. Among the most popular types in the kinky community are tease and denial, and ruined orgasms. Here, we will go through everything you need to know about orgasm denial, and how to ruin one for either yourself or your partner. While it might seem like a strange idea, the benefits can be well worth it.

What Is a Ruined Orgasm?

For anyone who is into chastity devices, ruined orgasms are probably nothing new. But many are unsure what this means. The whole idea behind this sexual activity is to ruin an orgasm. It is especially common with male subs whose dominant female partner will dictate when they get pleasure. It is also often part of the tease and denial.

To ruin someone’s orgasm, a dominant person will stimulate them until the point of orgasm. When the sub is close to climaxing, the dominant will simply stop. That will result in the sub ejaculating, but without pleasure and satisfaction that usually goes with it. Stimulation can also involve prostate, testicles, nipples, or any other erogenous zone. Whatever the case may be, all types of stimulation will cease as soon as the person is close or starts ejaculating. There are several ways doms can deny orgasms, and it is a common practice in a power play.

What is so special about this power exchange is that the person experiencing a ruined orgasm will just release semen, but often remain unsatisfied and frustrated. Furthermore, denying satisfaction is especially popular in combination with chastity belts that make subs “suffer” for ages, only to be denied pleasure in the end.

One of the ideas behind it is to keep your partner aroused for hours or maybe even days as a part of the power play or orgasm play.

What Does It Feel Like?

The central aspect of this form of denial is that the sub male will release fluids as during a regular orgasm. However, there will be no contractions that will make semen fly — it will leak instead. Furthermore, the brain itself won’t register the orgasm, so there will be no release of chemicals associated with it (oxytocin and prolactin. But the level of dopamine in their body will remain increased so that they won’t feel relaxed, satisfied, and sluggish. Instead, they will stay aroused but frustrated.

Imagine craving ice cream. You would give nearly anything for this sweet delicacy. Fortunately, you have the exact amount of money, and you run to the nearest ice cream store. You pay for it, take it, only for it to slip as soon as you step out of the store. And since you spent all your money, it means no ice cream for you, even though it was so close. That is how a ruined orgasm feels.

So, the main feeling here is undoubtedly frustration. Moreover, it feels as if the person is being “milked” or “drained.” As you can see, this might be a perfect punishment for the sub. If they spent a more extended period of time locked in a cage, you could see how it might be frustrating to be so close to satisfaction, only to see it taken away. Naturally, men aren’t the only ones able to have ruined orgasms. Women can experience it, as well.

The feeling is a lot different than having “blue balls,” since teasing is only a part of the whole process. While all these examples might be with a bit of exaggeration, the point is that the person will feel a bit of satisfaction, just not as if it was a full orgasm.

How to Give Your Partner a Ruined Orgasm

The process of orgasm control is similar for both males and females. For the male sub, the dominant person will stimulate their erogenous zones until they are near the climax. To ruin an orgasm completely, stop all stimulation as soon as the person starts orgasming. That means that the dominant will stop stroking their sub as soon as they go over the edge. It is important to understand that it should stop the moment they cross “the finishing line.”

Things work the same for women too. There are so many different ways to stimulate your partner, and each of these methods works the same. So, whether we are talking about oral sex, massaging, masturbating, or anything else, the idea remains the same.

One of the main things you should work with your partner is communication. They need to signal you (or simply tell) when they are near the edge. As a result, you will be able to stop when they are about to come and ruin their orgasm.

Furthermore, you can ruin your own orgasms the same way since you will know exactly when you have started orgasming. But if you want to play games with your partner, communication is the key to success. Or failure in this case.

Increase the Fun

Since the sub will remain aroused after their orgasm is ruined, it is a perfect opportunity to continue the “torture.” Ruined orgasms often come with a few contractions only (or none at all). Since that will leave the sub in complete frustration, why not continue? That way, the sub can experience multiple orgasms, and you can ruin all of them.

You can also talk to your partner about pain and how they feel about it. Another great way to ruin an orgasm is by inflicting pain at the point of no return. To achieve that, you can flicker the clitoris, testicles, or glans as soon as they start coming.

Finally, there are ones who love taking it to the next level by completely blocking the ejaculation. Whether you hold the tip of the penis or put a finger over the urethra, you will ensure that the semen goes into the bladder. Of course, the next time a person goes to the toilet, they will urinate and empty their bladder. This process is often called “blocked orgasm.”

Why It’s a Great Punishment

The question you might ask now is why this is such a great punishment. Well, ruined orgasms are almost the complete opposite of regular ones due to the frustration that comes with them. What’s important is that the guy will be utterly disappointed after orgasming. Since the fun can start all over again, you can continue teasing him, or you can make him satisfy you instead.

Many claim that if their orgasm is ruined, they can get back in the game more quickly, which means that you will have a shorter break between sessions. So, if you feel generous enough, you can give your partner a full orgasm after the first, ruined one.

You can also put extra pressure on the sub with threats of punishment if they orgasm. This can be extremely fun and add a special thrill to your relationship. They will find themselves in a situation where, if they have an orgasm, they will get punished. However, if you ruin it, they will feel disappointment and frustration.

Interestingly, some say that if the sub says that they are close to the edge, it might feel like cheating. In a way, they have control over their orgasm, and they might try to prolong their pleasure. So, be sure to think of a worthy punishment for this type of misbehavior.

Are Ruined Orgasms Dangerous?

While it might seem so, you’d be surprised to know that there are actually no downsides to this method. Except for frustration, of course. Even though it doesn’t feel good, it can prove to be beneficial since it will drain the cum from the prostate. Unlike complete denial (more on that later), the person will get a release even though they won’t feel satisfaction.

If you are into ruined orgasms, or if you want to try this type of punishment on your partner, you should know that there are no downsides to it. It is neither unhealthy nor dangerous, and you can have as much fun as you like.

Knowing that is especially important if you desire to do this over a longer period of time. A ruined orgasm is better than no orgasm at all, and the only other option for relief is milking. It is also a good choice if you are looking to empty your partner’s prostate without him having any fun or enjoying it. So, not only is it safe, but it can also prove to be beneficial for your partner’s health.

Ruined Orgasms and Male Chastity

Now that we understand how everything works, let’s talk about the famous combination of chastity belts and ruined orgasms. The reason why this combo is so popular is that the sub is already frustrated enough, and to ruin his only chance to feel pleasure can be incredible. Males wearing chastity belts or cock cages don’t have an opportunity to cum whenever they want. As a result, the moment when they are finally allowed to feel something can be ruined for an extra layer of humiliation.

As a part of orgasm control, the sub will be unable to enjoy any type of stimulation while they are wearing the belt (or a cage). Furthermore, we already mentioned that the arousal wouldn’t disappear after the ruined orgasm, and you can only imagine what it would be like to go back into the cage after that. So, not only will the sub be left aroused and without an orgasm, but they will often have to go back in the cage more turned on than they were. You can see how this might be especially fun for the dominant partner in a BDSM relationship.

One of the purposes of a cage is to make erection either impossible or extremely uncomfortable. It’s obvious how ruined orgasms can make everything even worse, since going back into the cage while aroused can be quite unpleasant. As a result, ruining orgasms is especially popular with male chastity as a means of punishment. The person wearing the cage can neither have intercourse nor masturbate as long as they wear it. The only person that can release them is the keyholder or dominant.

Wearing a Chastity Belt

What attracts most people to cages and chastity belts is the appreciation of release. If they wear a cage for a long time, the next orgasm can be quite intense. Besides, wearing one can also increase sex drive and arousal since it is still a taboo to have a chastity belt or a cage.

That is why most dominants believe it is such a great punishment to have that little pleasure taken away from their subs. After all that time, they will get a chance to experience a rather intense orgasm, only to have it ruined.

What Is Edging?

The main difference between ruined orgasm and edging is the effect and goal each has. For a ruined orgasm, the dominant (or yourself) will cease with any stimulation at the very moment the orgasm has happened. With edging, the person will continue stimulation but stop when they get near the orgasm. The idea behind edging is to build up the orgasm and make it more intense once it happens.

Whether you do it yourself, or your partner does it for you, edging is an incredible way to increase pleasure. The best thing is that you can do it over and over again. Some people do it for hours and even days without reaching orgasm, but once they do, the results are impressive.

Edging, teasing, surfing, peaking, or however you want to name it, became rather popular in the past couple of decades. In BDSM, tie-and-tease is quite popular, and one person will edge another for a while until the tied person finally reaches orgasm. After each “edge,” the person will be more and more aroused, and it will be more challenging to edge again. Naturally, the easiest way to edge yourself is by masturbating since it is easier to control your own orgasm.

What Is Orgasm Denial?

The next type of sexual play is denial. It is somewhat similar to edging or ruined orgasms with one big difference — there is no orgasm. Like with edging, the person will get near the edge of orgasm, and all stimulation will stop. The dominant person can deny orgasm as long as they like, which will only build up arousal without a happy ending.

Unlike ruined ones, denied orgasms can lead to testicular pain if practiced for long. And if you add chastity belts to the equation, the whole process can be excruciating. With edging, the orgasm will increase and become even more intense, but with denial, it will never come, making it more and more maddening.

Denial is rather widespread in BDSM. The person denying orgasms will get a feeling of power and control, while the submissive one will get the sensation and thrill of objectification and surrender.

A special type of denial is called “total denial,” where the person will refrain from any type of sexual activity by wearing a chastity belt all the time. This way, they won’t get any satisfaction nor feel any sensation while wearing the belt. Interestingly, both partners will sometimes deny each other orgasms to increase the stimulation and prolong arousal.

How to Edge for Men

While the whole concept of edging is easy, it might take you some time to perfect it. Whether you are practicing solo or with a partner, the basics are simple. The first thing you need to do is arouse your partner (or yourself). There are so many ways to achieve that, and they all vary from person to person. You should do what you enjoy and touch yourself in a way that makes you feel good. Of course, with another person, there is foreplay, oral sex, kissing, licking, and so on.

If you are trying this out with a partner, there must be communication. That way, your partner can stop with stimulation when you are near the edge. As we mentioned, it is quite easier to do it by yourself, since you will easily know when you are approaching the point of no return. Either way, the stimulation should stop for a couple of seconds. Take deep breaths and slow down every movement.

After that, start again. You will notice how your (or your partner’s) body is becoming tenser and tenser the more you edge. Remember to take breaks after each “edge” before you start all over. The whole point of edging is to increase orgasm in the end, so don’t forget to let yourself go in the end. When you come, try to compare how it feels to have a normal orgasm. You will probably notice the difference in intensity in the end!

How to Edge for Women

The basic process is the same both for men and women. There are several ways you can practice it with different techniques. It is important to understand and feel “the edge” or to notice the reaction of your partner when she’s close to coming.

The technique we’ll mention is the stimulation of the clitoris. You can use lube, and you should start stroking the entire vulva while moving over the clitoris only slightly. By being gentle while touching the clitoris, you will allow the clitoral hood to move across it. Try different motions like circular or from one side to the other at different speeds. Once you notice that she is close, take a break, and start over again. Many women enjoy simultaneous touch so you should stimulate other parts of her body as well.

Another method you can try is by stimulating the G-spot. The idea is to start slowly and increase the pressure on the spot over time. Since G-Spot can take a lot of pressure, you should take your time while paying attention to your partner’s reaction. The nearer she gets to orgasm, the more intense stimulation should be. As with previous examples, as she comes close to the edge, pull out or stop any simulation and take a break.

Of course, if you desire this to be edging and not denial, make sure that your partner reaches orgasm in the end. The more you edge her, the more intense it will be when she finally reaches it.

How Long Can You Deny an Orgasm

The answer to this question can vary from person to person. In theory, you can do it for as long as you feel comfortable. If you are in a relationship, mutual agreement, understanding, and trust are all important. Furthermore, you shouldn’t force yourself (or someone else) to start with long sessions at once. While there are couples who managed to deny themselves for over a year, it isn’t something that you should decide out of the blue.

Denying, like edging, takes practice, and with it, you will gradually increase the time. After you talk to your partner, you can agree on the goal or time period you want to reach. Some claim that permanent denial is their ultimate fantasy, and that is ok as well. However, the most important part is that both parties agree on the schedule. Commonly, the denial period is between ten days and three weeks. Naturally, it can be both longer and shorter than that.

The next important thing is the type of denial. If the person is locked and left alone for a month, it is one thing. However, if they are teased every day and every night for that thirty days without reaching orgasm, that’s completely another story. It all depends on a person and their preferences and how they are willing to experiment. The best course of action would probably be to experiment slowly and talk about your plans. If your partner is willing to give full control to you, knowing that it might take months before they are allowed to cum, then there is a whole different story.

Best Toys for Orgasm Denial

When it comes to toys that you can use best for denial, there is plenty you can choose from. It also depends on the gender, preferences, taste, and so on. Here, we will take a look at the best toys you can use in your exploits. We won’t talk about obvious examples like chastity belts and cages since we already mentioned them before.

The Selection

Vibrators — There is no doubt that this is one of the most popular toys in the world, and it is obvious why. You can use it to stimulate your partner and get them near the edge in no time. Today, there are nearly infinite different models, shapes, sizes, and you should make sure to find the one you and your partner love the most.

Dildos — Dildos are inanimate siblings of vibrators, usually shaped like male genitalia. Naturally, there are other shapes, as well. It is probably the most selling sex toy in history, and there are so many to choose from. They are great for denial since it can be easier to get nearer the orgasm using a dildo.

Butt plugs — Now, people have mixed feelings when it comes to anal. Some love it while others don’t. If you and your partner are into it, butt plugs can be a great way to deny orgasm. For males, they are not long enough to reach the prostate, and for females, they can sometimes create a feeling that’s similar to orgasm denial.

Clit clamps — They work in a similar manner as nipple clamps, and they apply pressure on the clitoris. The idea behind clamps is to restrict blood flow to the clitoral area for a certain period. After the clamps are removed, the release will create pleasure.

Penis plugs — these plugs are inserted into urethra with a goal of increasing arousal as well as the intensity of one’s orgasm. There are various shapes and lengths you can try, but be sure that your significant other is interested in trying one because they are a rather tiny niche.

Summary

Whether you are looking to increase the intensity of the orgasm, or to completely deny one, there are many great ways to achieve it. People have been into edging for the past couple of decades, where they would stop pleasuring themselves (or their partner) just before they reached orgasm. After taking a break, they will continue the whole process all over again, building their orgasm to unbelievable intensity.

On the other hand, there are those who enjoy the same techniques but without ever reaching an orgasm. This so-called orgasm denial became rather popular in the BDSM community, where the dominant people would stop their submissive from reaching an orgasm.

Finally, there is a way to ruin it too. Instead of stopping just before they come, the person would cease with any stimulation the moment after they orgasmed, resulting in a ruined orgasm. While the person might release semen, the contractions will be either fewer or nonexistent. The same could apply to any satisfaction that comes with ejaculation. Edging, denial, and ruined orgasm apply to both males and females, and they are all types of orgasm control you must not skip!


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