How to Unleash Your Inner Dominant

Whether you are looking to try out something new or to spice up your sex life, BDSM might be a perfect choice for you. Naturally, this lifestyle is not for all, and not everyone is comfortable with pushing their limits. But for those daring enough, there are several steps they can take to unleash their inner dominant.

You should keep in mind that if you never had any experience at being a dominant, it might take you some time to perfect it. Dom/sub relationships are fun, and many people enjoy them. However, you should still know how to act, walk, and talk to send out a vibe or aura that shows who is in charge.

What Is a Dominant?

But before we go any further, what exactly does it mean to be a dominant? Dominance is just one of the aspects of BDSM. The abbreviation itself can mean several things like bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. While it is possible that one individual is into all of the things from the list, it is in no way a necessity.

When it comes to dominance, it means that a person enjoys a lifestyle where they dominate another person or submissive. In a relationship, the dom will take a leading role, and they will behave as their sub’s superior both in private and public. Besides superiority, another major characteristic is confidence.

Females or dommes can sometimes take the role of Queen, Mistress, Empress, and Goddess, while males are Doms, Kings, Masters, and so on. However, it is imperative people don’t forget that trust is an essential factor in a BDSM relationship and that subs enjoy being in a subordinate position. Finally, there are also people who enjoy switching between the roles, which means that they will sometimes play the dominant role, while at other times, they will be subs.

So if you are looking to step away from the typical vanilla relationship and want to turn it up a notch, there are several things you can do and practice to ensure that you’ll behave like a true Domme or Dom.

Practice Confidence

To ensure that you are a true BDSM Domme or BDSM Dom, you need to be confident. While there are things like collars and chastity devices, there is so much more to being a dominant. Sometimes, it is only a facial expression or a look that’s enough to show a sense of authority and power. And that is your main goal.

One of the ways you can achieve this effect is by practicing it. Start with simple things like controlling your voice. You need to sound assertive. Of course, if you never had experience with it, it might not be easy, but with enough practice, you’ll be there in no time.

Another important thing is to remember to speak in declarations. After all, you are a Master or Mistress, and you don’t need to explain yourself. That also means that you shouldn’t ask many questions. If you are unsure what to do or how to act, follow your instinct, and do what you think is best. Furthermore, when you talk, you should be loud and clear. It would be nearly impossible to sound confident if you talked under your breath. So practice sounding confident, loud, and clear.

Finally, try not to apologize. When you are in your role, you are doing as you wish. That also means you “can’t go wrong” and that you should never apologize for what you said or did. Naturally, that is all part of the deal and part of the roleplaying, and mutual consent is undoubtedly needed.

Over time, you will get more in touch with your inner dominant, and you’ll better understand how you should act in front of your partner. The only important thing is that all involved parties have a good time and enjoy themselves.

Practice Giving Orders/Punishment

Once you’ve figured out how to be more confident and how to sound assertive, you should practice giving orders. An important part of being a dominant involves giving orders to your submissive. These can vary from person to person, but every relationship involves using the authority you have as a Mister or Mistress. You can always start from small gestures and then gradually begin demanding things that you enjoy. Whether it’s a foot massage or (more or less) anything else, you will need to make sure that they know who is in charge.

That also means you shouldn’t allow your sub to talk back at you. If they actually dare to say something, you will need to punish them. The second part is, of course, punishment. There are so many ways that you can punish your sub, from using chastity belts to whips and spanks. Get creative! After all, they are submissive, which means that you don’t need to hear any sass or wise comments. Use a bondage mouth gag to restrict your slaves from speaking—dominatrix gags and BDSM bit gags are great toys to stuff in the mouth of your submissives while you tease them. Just observe how they will literally drool for you.

An indiscreet yet symbolic way you to build the dynamics between you and your sub is also through the use of other accessories. You may bless your slaves with an o-ring choker which represents your authority and control over them. A pure power move would be to command them to put on a BDSM collar with leash and walk them around in public. But of course only do this under mutual consent.

Another vital aspect you should remember is to ignore potential begging. Subs love begging, and you must resist the urge to give them what they want. Of course, there is always a safe word involved in BDSM relationships, and it means the end of the game. However, if they stick to begging only, you need to ignore them since the thing they actually want is the punishment that is to come.

There are so many different ways to discipline your sub, and the only limit is your imagination. Whether you opt for different toys, public or private punishment and torture, or various ways to ensure your sub lacks mobility, you will need to do it with a sense of authority and respect.

Practice Making Decisions

All of this might seem like a lot of information at once, but you can take your time and do it slowly. As a dominant, it’s quite important to make decisions and be in “charge.” One of the easiest things is to start choosing easier things like where you want to go for dinner and work your way up. Over time, your judgment will become more important, and you will be in the driver’s seat. Eventually, this will lead to bedroom decisions and choices.

If you were never in charge of anything or simply have no experience at making decisions, fear not. The whole process might seem scary, but there are several things you can do to improve your lifestyle. Among the first suggestions is to start making small decisions quickly. For example, what movie to watch, what to eat, or what color of underwear you should pick. Take thirty seconds and pick something. Don’t spend hours figuring out if it is the right thing to do.

Part of the decision making in dominant-submissive relationships is the use of BDSM gears in the bedroom. It's like a planning a full-course meal of bondage and punishments for your sub during sex. Start with BDSM ropes and move up to sex cuffs—tie your Subs with handcuffs, leather ankle cuffs, and leg cuffs. Or move on to thinking about how to inflict physical pain to your sub—should you use spanking paddles to let your sub know that he or she has been naughty? And there are other tools that you should include in your arsenal: think whips, floggers, and canes. But always ensure to make your choice based on your Sub's comfort level and responsiveness.

Naturally, not every choice you make will be a sound one, and that’s normal. You want to focus on experience and experimenting instead of blaming yourself for deciding something that didn’t turn out as well as you had hoped.

In time, you will become more and more creative and decisive. That will, of course, reflect on your sexual life as well. So whether you are deciding which punishment is the best for your sub or how you want to reward their obedience, you will get there eventually, and you’ll be able to embrace your inner dominant better.

Practice Dressing Sexy

Being attractive and sending that dominant aura and vibe is quite important. There is no secret in that. In this type of relationship, it should be obvious who is in charge of everything, and one of the easiest ways to achieve that is by dressing sexy. By picking attractive, sultry clothes, you will remind your sub that you are the Mistress or the Master. Dommes are known to wear high heels, brighter colors, makeup, and such. Furthermore, corsets are an incredible way to show off your curves and enhance the waistline.

Femdom is an excellent opportunity to treat yourself to nice things you deserve at other people’s expense. You can get pricey makeup, visit the hairdresser more often, and make yourself look like a true Goddess. After all, your sub will be happy as well since they are the ones that made it possible. And enjoying the view is more than enough of a reward for them.

Whenever someone mentions a BDSM dominant, people usually think of female domination and BDSM dominatrix ladies with sexy clothes, whips, and chains. However, it is vital to remember that either gender can play the role of a dominant. If you are looking to become a Dom, you will need attractive suits, shirts, ties, and smart shoes.

Naturally, these things aren’t cheap, and buying everything needed to look the part costs money. Fortunately, you have your sub. Buy yourself gifts and something pretty using their resources. That way, you will get incredible, sexy clothes, and you will have another way to tease them since they paid for everything.


One of the things you should remember is that practice makes perfect. You won’t become a Master or Mistress overnight, and it might seem out of place at the beginning. Since being a dominant is an important aspect of bondage, you should understand what bondage is before fully immersing yourself into the role.

However, you should remember that, in time, you will enjoy it more, and you will get used to making decisions, ordering, and punishing your sub. Practice will have an impact on your style, behavior, the way you act and talk, and even how you use toys. You shouldn’t try to rush it and force it all. Instead, focus on enjoying the journey until you fully unleash your inner dominant!