You’re going to have to buckle up (or collar up, whatever) for this ride. It’s okay to feel a little insecure about making important decisions. We’re here to relieve you of all your anxieties and shed a positive light on self-collaring.
We know BDSM can have strict rules. However, that doesn’t need to be the case when it comes to the lifestyle you’re willing to live. You can bend the rules to serve you instead.
Can You Collar Yourself?
Simply put — yes, you can do it. BDSM collaring can have different meanings. It can show ownership, devotion, or submission. It all depends on how you’ve come to obtain your collar. Sometimes, in relationships, they can be as meaningful as an engagement ring and people come up with a marriage ceremony to show that. But you shouldn’t always follow the rules.
But what if you’re single or don’t have a master/mistress to engage in formal collaring with? Well, this type of play is not only for those in a relationship. Why not establish ownership of yourself? Remind yourself that you have yourself to devote your time to. Those things are just as meaningful and can make you feel good about yourself.
Many people feel a lot of discouragement when it comes to collaring themselves. You shouldn’t care what other people do or say. You can do this on your own terms. There’s no need for permanently locking yourself either — you can do it just for fun.
Why Should You Collar Yourself?
Collaring yourself can still be very beneficial for you, even if it wasn’t given to you by your Dom.
Some Submissives may struggle without a Dominant in their life. They can miss the sense of being owned and cared for by somebody. It sounds similar to regular relationships, but it’s a little bit different here.
Collaring yourself can give you back that sense of identity you might feel was lost. It can be an important reminder that you belong to yourself, a note that you’re in charge of your body and that you’re the one taking care of yourself.
Some Submissives say collaring themselves brings a sense of comfort too. They say it feels like “encouragement from a hypothetical future partner.” Therefore, self-collaring can be pretty meaningful, but it can be simple too.
You can give yourself a choker if you think it makes you look pretty. It’s that simple. Maybe you like to feel badass and edgy in vanilla environments. And nobody has to know what that staple collar around your neck means. But you do.
However, what if someone knows what various types of collars mean? Different colors, for example, can send different kinds of messages to others in the BDSM community. There’s a collar etiquette, so to speak. Wearing one can signalize many things to others who have the eyes to understand.
You shouldn’t concern yourself with that, though. The only message self-collaring will send is about what kind of lifestyle you’re into. It will definitely attract the right people because a collar can look like a simple piece of jewelry to others.
Many psychological benefits come with collaring yourself. You only need to give it a new meaning that corresponds to your own needs and own it!
Choosing Your Own Collar
Whether choosing your own collar will be trivial or meaningful is, of course, up to you. As with anything, doing your research first can help you immensely.
Let’s talk about how you feel about this entire ordeal. Some Submissives feel as though a collar can only be given to them when they deserve it. Otherwise, it’s not the real deal, they think. This doesn’t need to be the case for you after you bend the rules and give your collar a new meaning.
Collars can also represent a promise given by the Dominant that they’ll always be their Submissive’s safe space, that they’ll always be there to support them in any way they need. But, you can establish that your collar will be your safe space — a reminder you’re there to support yourself.
There’s a variety of collars to choose from. Do so carefully as they all have different meanings and can have you sending mixed messages. Somewhat like tattooing scripture in a different language because it looks badass but not knowing what it actually means.
So how do you pick one? Some are meant for both long-term or day-to-day use, like training collars, and the ones you use only during playtime, like slave collars. So you can choose whatever you feel suits you, really. Being single (or without a Dom) doesn’t mean you can’t have play partners. You can wear your collar around them but still have it mean whatever you want it to mean.
If you’re still struggling, BDSM forums exist. The BDSM community might be secretive, but you can still reach out to Doms online if you’re feeling insecure. They can be the ones to suggest what you should get to fulfill your needs.
That way, you can satisfy your submission needs and still be in charge.
Being in monogamous relationships, believe it or not, isn’t for everyone. Some people just want to love more. So here’s where we talk about the concept of polyamory and how it fits with collaring.
To be able to proceed, first, we need to know what polyamory really means. Polyamory is the desire to have intimate relationships with more than one partner. Of course, with the consent of other partners. People who are monogamous immediately see a problem with this.
People often judge and criticize this kind of lifestyle. There’s a lot of myths surrounding it. One of them is people believing that polyamory is for those who don’t want to commit and settle. Another is that it’s all about having a lot of sex and, not to mention, orgies. None of those things are true, and polyamory relationships are actually more difficult to keep up with.
If you really think about it, sometimes giving time to a single partner can be a challenge. Imagine doing that with, say, three.
But what does solo polyamory mean? How can you be solo and polyamorous at the same time? The concept might be a little confusing, so let’s clear it up. A solo poly (for short) is a person who wants to play the “free agent” role in relationships. That means they don’t have any commitments that will restrict their actions or freedom in any way.
How Does It Tie Up With Self-Collaring?
Solo polys are the kind of people who focus highly on their personal values. They value their autonomy, freedom, and sense of self more than anything else. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care about their partners.
You can be a solo poly and be in a relationship at the same time. Solo polys will consult their partners when making important decisions and will care for them too. It’s wrong to assume that these people don’t have feelings or don’t care. They do. They just value their sense of being an individual more than the concept of unity.
Much like you can collar yourself and be in a relationship or have a Dom. Your collar means you’re taking care of yourself and that you’re your primary “partner.” Like a partner in crime or however you wish to see it.
Needless to say that these two go together hand in hand. You can feel powerful and submissive at the same time. Even though, yes, it sounds kind of impossible or hard to achieve.
So let’s simplify things — collaring yourself is an act of caring for yourself. Reminding and showing yourself that you are your primary concern and safe space. Being solo polyamorous can be regarded as holding a set of values. That is, knowing that your primary allegiance is to yourself. You can still have (many) partners, of course. However, you’re your number one.
It’s really a no-brainer how these two concepts fit together hand in hand. They can empower one another, so if you struggle with collaring yourself, being solo poly will definitely help.
So there you have it. It wasn’t as difficult to get to this point, right? Now you know that collaring yourself is a perfectly normal and valid thing to do. Within the BDSM community, at least.
Don’t let others judge your choices just because you might have needs others cannot fulfill. At least for the time being. Living a submissive lifestyle doesn’t mean you cannot feel powerful.
You still belong to someone, and that’s you.