What To Do If Your Dildo Doesn't Fit: Tips For Proper Dildo Insertion

Posted by Anna Bergeron on

Is there any worse feeling then finally unwrapping your brand new dildo, getting all hot and ready, slowly beginning to slide it inside your vagina or asshole - only for your sexual ecstasy to come screeching to a halt as you find that the dildo simply...doesn't fit?

Your dildo not fitting properly may seem like a roadblock which is impossible to overcome.

You might find yourself thinking things like "I'm just too small" "I'm just too tight" or "I'm just too shallow," especially if you are using the toy to penetrate yourself vaginally. You might feel as though your only option is to purchase a much smaller dildo, or perhaps to simply give up on using toys to penetrate yourself entirely. But we promise - there's absolutely no need to give up!

The vagina is extremely elastic. After all, it has to be, doesn't it, in order to be able to push out an entire baby?

Even the smallest of babies are actually pretty large, weighing several pounds and being comparable in size to your average watermelon. Almost every single vagina in the world, barring a few rare medical exceptions, is capable of both stretching by several inches and of "snapping" back to its original tight "default" state once penetration or expulsion has been completed.

(For the purposes of the article, we will primarily be discussing vaginal penetration with dildos. Anal penetration has a different set of rules - while the anus is capable of stretching, it often requires significant preparation before doing so and cannot stretch to the same extremes as the vagina, meaning that a thinner, smaller dildo is generally recommended. If you want to learn more about using a dildo to penetrate yourself anally, see our article here.)

So yes, your vagina can stretch to accommodate that dildo - but it might not be able to do so immediately. With the exception of a few distinct medical conditions, a dildo not fitting at first is not the result of a vagina which is "too small" or "too shallow" but due to any number of temporary, extremely fixable factors such as insufficient lube, lack of proper preparation, or muscle tension due to nervousness or stress.

In most cases, taking your time, performing relaxation exercises, and making sure to include a lot of foreplay before beginning slow, gentle penetration will be sufficient to rectify the problem. However, there are a few rare situations in which it is recommended that you visit a trained doctor or gynecologist to identify a potential medical source of your discomfort.

The purpose of this guide is to teach you some of our favorite methods for getting relaxed and comfortable so that your dildo will slip in as easily and comfortably as possible.

Here at Lovegasm, we are dedicated to combating the unfortunately prevalent myth of "too small" or "too tight" vaginas, so that every person with a vagina can safely, happily and, of course, pleasurably use a dildo on themselves to bring themselves to many, many body-shaking, mind-melting orgasms!

We Repeat: Your Vagina Probably Isn't "Too Small"

"Small vaginas" - and variations on that old theme such as "narrow vaginas" or "shallow vaginas" - are, by and large, a myth. While it is true that vaginas vary greatly in shape or size, there is one major similarity between almost all of them: the vagina expands in size when it is properly aroused.

Although no one true "average" exists, scientists believe that most vaginas are somewhere between 2 and 4 inches in length when not aroused, but are capable of doubling or even tripling in depth when properly aroused. As for "tightness," this is a product of the muscles which keep the vagina small - often nearly "closed" - when it is not being penetrated, in order to prevent infection and keep fluids such as menstrual blood from exiting too quickly.

(The anus or asshole also contains a similar tight ring of muscle, called the "anal sphincter," which prevents us from messing ourselves as we go about our day) When a person is aroused, the muscles keeping their vagina "tight" relax, allowing it to open wide, stretch, and accept a dildo, penis, or a variety of other toys and objects.

So if you're feeling like your vagina is simply "too small" to fit a dildo, don't despair!

What you're probably feeling is a combination of nerves, stress, and the resulting muscle tension. If you have not previously engaged in penetrative sex or masturbation with a dildo or other penetrative toy, your vaginal muscles may be simply unused to knowing when and how much to loosen in order to allow for insertion.

Relaxing those muscles will allow you to comfortably insert a dildo of practically any size and quickly turn that discomfort and stress to euphoric pleasure! Don't worry - we will go over relaxation techniques in detail later in this article, so keep reading.

But What About The Hymen?

Aside from the "small vagina," the number one source of myths and misinformation which interferes with enjoying your alone time with a dildo has got to be the hymen.

The hymen is, simply put, just another body part - a membrane which covers all or part of your vagina opening, which is believed to help keep your vagina clean and free from infection, especially at a young age when you might not yet have learned how to clean it properly. However, over the course of many hundreds of years of human history, people have unfortunately made the hymen into something much larger than it is - in particular, made it into a source of stress, shame and judgment for women and other vagina-possessing humans all over the world.

Here are some myths which you've probably heard about the hymen at some point in your life: The presence or absence of a hymen indicates whether or not a woman is a virgin.

The hymen covers the entire vaginal opening, and must be "broken" in order to allow penetrative sexual intercourse to occur. The "breaking" of the hymen is inevitably accompanied by pain and bleeding, and is the reason why a woman's "first time" is meant to be painful and uncomfortable and not at all pleasurable for her.

Once a woman has had sex once, her hymen is completely gone and will never bother her again.

Every single one of these statements is completely untrue. First and foremost, whether or not you have a hymen has absolutely NOTHING to do with your virginity, or lack thereof.

Hymens come in different sizes, thicknesses, and some vagina owners never even have one in the first place! (Not to mention, "virginity" is an extremely outdated concept which should have absolutely nothing to do with your self-worth or your identity as a person - who you are is NOT defined by how many penises or other objects have been inside your vagina.)

Most hymens are elastic and do not cover the entire vaginal opening, and will simply stretch rather than tearing when your vagina is penetrated.

Even if the hymen does tear during sexual intercourse or masturbation with a dildo, the amount of pain and blood involved should be minimal if the woman is properly aroused and proper precautions have been taken. Plus, hymens can tear or "break" for any number of reasons completely unrelated to sex - horseback riding, rock climbing and mountain biking are among the activities which have been identified as common sources of non-sexual hymen damage.

Again, when the hymen tears during one of these activities, a small amount of bleeding may occur, but it is usually only a few drops of blood with minimal or no accompanying pain.

If your hymen is intact, you may feel it stretch when you first start out penetrating yourself with a dildo. Depending on how large or thick it is, it MAY tear slightly during your initial penetration efforts.

You may see a few drops of blood. Alternately, nothing of the sort at all might happen, as your hymen may be thin and elastic enough to simply stretch around dildos of any size.

A very small percentage of the vagina-owning population does possess a hymen which is unusually thick, unusually inelastic (incapable of stretching) or covers the entire vaginal opening rather than merely a part.

If you feel a strong, unyielding membrane inside your vagina when exploring inside with your fingers, then you may be one of these individuals. In this case, we recommend seeing a trained medical professional to rectify the issue. Have your general practitioner refer you to a gynecologist.

These hymens - referred to by the technical names of "imperforate" or "microperforate" - can cause pain or other difficulties during sexual intercourse or penetrative masturbation, BUT can also be quickly and easily rectified through a simple surgical procedure.

Okay, Then, What's The Actual Problem?

So your hymen isn't the issue and your vagina isn't "too small" or "too shallow". But your masturbation attempts are still met with frustration because it feels as though your dildo, well, just won't fit.

But if it's not a size thing, and it's not a medical issue, then what IS the problem, then?

In almost all cases, the answer to this question can be given in one word: TENSION. The muscles of your vaginal area are tense, and you have not given them the chance to relax properly before attempting to penetrate yourself with a dildo.

The number one solution to this issue is simply to take the time to let your body properly relax before attempting to begin any sort of penetration.

Treat yourself. Set up a relaxing, arousing atmosphere. Engage in slow, tender foreplay. In general, get to know your body and give it the love that it deserves! It will respond by opening up to you and easily and comfortably accepting the dildo which you have chosen.

What you find relaxing and/or arousing varies from person to person.

The most important thing is to understand that you need to figure out what works for YOU.

We've offered some tips and suggestions in the sections below, but that doesn't mean that all of them - or even any of them - will be what you need. It's all about getting to know your own body and what relaxes you and turns you on. And hey - if you find a technique that works for you but you don't see it on the list below, drop us a line here at Lovegasm!

We're all about learning new sexy tips and tricks from our valued customers. And who knows - you might even see your suggestion show up as part of an article just like this one someday!

Without further ado, here are some of our personal favorite tips, direct from our Lovegasm staffers, about how to get yourself in the mood and help your body accept a dildo inside your vagina more easily than ever before!

Set the Mood

Don't just sit on the bed, shove the dildo inside your vagina and get thrusting. That doesn't sound very sexy, does it? It certainly does not! Rather, it sounds clinical, dull, boring - it turns masturbation with a dildo into something "quick and dirty" to get over and done with as soon as possible before continuing on with your day. And that's not what we want at all!

Creating a romantic, erotic atmosphere is one of the number one ways you can get your body - including your vagina - to relax in preparation for fun times with your favorite dildo.

This can be accomplished in any number of ways. Dim the lights - or turn them off entirely. Light candles or incense with your favorite scents. Take a long, hot, luxurious bath, possibly with your favorite scented soaps, lotions or bubble bath included. Play mood-setting music - we recommend something soft and instrumental.

If you feel like springing for an extra treat, book yourself a massage or a spa day, and save the dildo play until afterwards when your body feels good and loose. Alternately, have your partner give you a massage, especially focusing on removing all tension from your hips, thighs and lower back (the areas closest to your genitals and thus most likely to affect the tension of your vagina).

Take Time To Turn On

Once you're relaxed, the next step is to get yourself good and aroused. The more aroused you are, the more relaxed your vagina will be - not to mention, the wetter it will be, meaning that the dildo will slip in even more easily than you ever expected.

The best way to do this is through a long, slow-paced foreplay session. Keep up the relaxed mood throughout. Don't rush. Don't set a timer or give yourself a forced deadline. Allow your body to move at its own pace, whether that's hanging on the edge in seconds or slowly building up that sweet burning in your core over a period of several minutes or even hours.

Of course, how you get aroused or what kind of foreplay you engaged on is going to be the part which varies most greatly from person to person. However, here are a few favorite suggestions from us folks here at Lovegasm:

  • Wear your favorite set of sexy lingerie - looking cute and sexy in the bedroom isn't JUST about impressing your partner. You're also more than allowed to look cute for yourself, and we've found that looking sexy is one of the number one ways to start FEELING sexy as well!
  • Get yourself in the mood by reading an erotic novel or story or watching one of your favorite pornographic videos. Just remember to turn the volume down if you've got nosy neighbors!
  • Enjoy a special treat, such as a glass of champagne, some dark chocolate or some fruit such as berries (maybe even chocolate-dipped strawberries!) Think of it as taking yourself on a date and seducing yourself - and don't you deserve to be pampered, rather than merely treated like a one night stand or a quick screw?

Touch yourself and get yourself aroused before even bringing the dildo into the mix.

If you're already aroused once the dildo even starts to play a role, then you are much more likely to stay relaxed and not tense up with nerves. Pleasure yourself using your favorite foreplay tactics, whether that's stroking your clitoris, rubbing your nipples, fingering yourself, or any other technique which you might prefer.

Go slowly. Remember, there's absolutely no rush. You've blocked out plenty of time to make YOURSELF the star of the show. Remind yourself throughout that you are sexy, you are important, you are valid, and this is all about YOU!

Get yourself off a time or two. Yes, this might seem strange and even counter-intuitive at first - you might find yourself asking, "isn't the whole point of this exercise to use the dildo on myself to get off?" While that is the ultimate goal, or at least one of them (the true goal is really just "making yourself feel great," after all) that doesn't mean that you can't experience any orgasms at all until you put the dildo in.

Many people with vaginas are able to have multiple orgasms, anywhere from two to five to even more, over the course of a single masturbation or sex session. This means that you can get yourself off with your fingers or a small bullet vibrator and then still be able to experience a second or even a third with the help of the dildo's tender ministrations.

And, as a bonus, having an orgasm or two before introducing the dildo into the mix will mean that you will be much more relaxed when it comes time for penetration. The rush of endorphins and "happy hormones" which come along with orgasm will leave you open and receptive to what your favorite dildo has to offer.

Lube, Lube, LUBE!

By this point, you might be getting a little sick of hearing about lube. Don't they talk about it in like every single article on this dang site? you might be asking yourself. But the truth is, we only give lube so much focus because, well, it's just that important! Lube, more so than anything else, can make sex and masturbation more comfortable and more pleasurable than they have ever been before.

Many women unfortunately make the mistake of assuming that the natural lubrication produced by their vagina will be sufficient for tension-, stress- and pain-free dildo penetration. Unfortunately, this is often far from the case.

Different people produce different amounts of natural lubrication - the amount you produce can even vary depending on factors such as recent sickness, proper hydration, menstrual cycle, menopause, stress, general mental health and even the relative humidity or dryness of your local climate.

Plus, natural juices tend not to last as long as synthetic lube and can dry up mid-penetration. This is more likely to become the case when playing around with a dildo, as even the most realistic materials are typically harder, firmer and more rigid than the flesh of a penis.

Even if you have previously been able to take a penis or dildo into yourself using only your naturally produced fluids, this does not mean you will be able to do so every time.

We ALWAYS recommend keeping lube - and lots of it! - on hand, even if only as a back-up. Lube makes the whole experience softer, smoother and more comfortable, which in turn makes you more relaxed and less likely to tense up during penetration.

Make sure that you are using the right kind of lube - not all lubes are created equal!

In general, we tend to recommend thicker, silicone-based lubricants when using a dildo, as they stay wet longer and are less likely to become "tacky" or "sticky" than water- or oil-base alternatives. However, if you are using a dildo which is itself made from silicone, you should most definitely NOT use any lube made from or even containing silicone material. This is because silicone reacts poorly with itself, which can cause your dildo to begin breaking down and rapidly degrading in quality.

If you're not sure which type of lube is best or which you will end up preferring, try buying lots of different types and experimenting.

Many sex toy retailers offer lube in small "sample-size" amounts perfect for trying out if you're not yet sure which kind will get the job done. Eventually you will find one - or perhaps several! - kinds of lube which work just perfectly for you.

Choose The Right Dildo

Earlier in this article, we stated that proper arousal and relaxation would allow you to safely and comfortably penetrate your vagina with even the largest and thickest of dildos. While that is in fact true, that does not necessarily mean that you will be able to START with such a sizable toy.

If you are less experienced with dildo masturbation, or if you find yourself experiencing muscle tension and having difficulty relaxing when trying to penetrate yourself, you may wish to choose a shorter, thinner dildo to start off with before moving up to larger toys.

If you are reading this after having already purchased a larger dildo which isn't quite fitting correctly, there is no need to despair!

The majority of dildo lovers, including every single person on staff here at Lovegasm, owns more than one of these incredibly versatile toys. We firmly believe that there is no one perfect dildo for each person - but instead there are many many dildos which will be the "right one" on different days or at different times!

Like we mentioned in the previous section, natural lubrication, muscle tightness, and even general levels of arousal or "horniness" can vary widely depending on a number of factors ranging from hormones to weather.

For those with vaginas, this variation tends to be even more dramatic, as body sensitivity and hormone levels increase and decrease dramatically at different points of the menstrual cycle.

What point are we getting to with all of this?

Well, in short, what we're saying is that it's okay to own more than one dildo! Most people who enjoy masturbating with dildos keep a sizeable collection, ranging from extra large models for the days they need the stretch, to more petite variations for the days when everything just feels a little tighter down there, to even bullet or egg vibrators for the times of month when everything is just so sensitive that clitoral stimulation is all they can handle.

So if you're struggling with a larger dildo, there's absolutely no shame in picking out a smaller, thinner one until your vagina gets more accustomed to being regularly penetrated.

We recommend choosing something around the same size or perhaps even a little smaller than the average human penis. This means you will be looking for something with about 3-5 inches of insertable length (the part of the dildo which can actually fit inside your body - head over here to learn more about how to measure insertable length) and no larger than 1 or 1 1/4 inches in circumference.

Additionally, you might find it beneficial to select a dildo which contains a distinct, solid "base" - whether a flared, thicker section, a suction cup, a ring or hook shape, or a pair of molded testicles - which is easy to keep hold of even during enthusiastic, fast-paced penetration.

This will remove a source of anxiety which many people experience either consciously or subconsciously: the fear that the dildo will become "stuck" inside their vagina or asshole during masturbatory activities.

When it comes to materials, we recommend choosing something which is warm to the touch, does not need a lot of "warming up" or preparation, and feels similar to human skin.

Using a glass or stainless steel dildo on yourself can be an extremely erotic, highly sensual experience, but newbies might find the chill, almost sterile touch of these materials a little too much right out of the gate. In addition, glass, stainless steel and certain hard plastics are fully rigid without any "give" - more rigid than an actual penis, in fact.

For a first time dildo, try sticking to silicone, rubber or jelly-like elastomer in order to keep the entire experience as comfortable as possible for your vagina.

Other aspects of your starter dildo, including color, texture, shape, and the presence or absence of add-ons, can be entirely determined according to your personal preferences.

Some people find that they are more comfortable when working with something which closely resembles a penis from the flesh tone to the presence of a distinct head and veins running up and down the length.

Still others are more relaxed when their toy bears as few similarities to a penis as possible, choosing brightly colored, sparkly toys in a variety of twisted or curved shapes. As always, we can only encourage you to experiment and get to know what gets you off!

Get To Know Your Dildo - And Your Body

This next suggestion might seem a bit counter-intuitive at first. After all, the longer you draw things out before getting to the actual penetration, the more nervous you'll get, right?

Well, in fact, studies have actually proven that that is NOT the case. Rather the opposite!

If you take some time to familiarize yourself with a dildo, just as you would with a partner's body, you will become more relaxed and it will be much easier to become aroused.

Finally accepting the dildo inside your body will feel less like prodding around with a foreign object and instead much more like welcoming an old friend inside to play.

Here are some of our Lovegasm staffers; favorite suggestions for carrying out a little "get to know you" session with your new dildo:

Explore every inch of the dildo with your fingers. Learn every ridge and crease of its design feels against your skin. How does the tip feel? Which parts might feel best rubbing against your clit, your outer lips or your G-spot?

Hold the base firmly and securely in your hand. Practice different types of grip until you find one which is comfortable and that you can maintain for the length of a masturbation session without running the risk of pain, soreness or cramping. Try a few mock thrusts in the air - yes, we know, it looks silly, but trust us, it works! - to get a feel for how the dildo moves and how its weight feels in your hands.

Rub the tip of the dildo over your body, making sure to pay extra attention to sensitive spots other than your genitals. Rub it up and down your neck, over your nipples or across your stomach.

If you're comfortable with it, try doing this in front of a mirror so you become familiar with the sight of the dildo touching your body. (Don't forget to remind yourself how sexy you look - because we know you look downright stunning like that!)

Practice your oral skills on the dildo! Even if you don't have a partner who you intend to engage in oral sex with, introducing a dildo to your mouth is a great way to feel more comfortable with it than ever before.

You'll learn both how it feels and how it tastes, and become intimately acquainted with its unique shape and texture. We do recommend washing your dildo before putting it into your mouth, just to remove any potential "plasticky" taste which brand new dildos can sometimes briefly have.

You can even use your dildo to practice and improve your deep throating skills - check out our article here to learn more!

Introduce your dildo into a masturbation session where penetration is completely off the table. This will keep you calm and relaxed and ensure that you do not push things too far too fast.

You will be surprised to find that dildos can bring you orgasmic pleasure even without having to be inside you. For example, you can use the tip to rub over and around your clitoris and outer vaginal lips. If your dildo happens to have the ability to vibrate, don't forget to turn that on to increase your pleasure any further!

Of course, you don't need to cross every single step off this list before trying out penetration.

You also don't need to go in order - feel free to jump around, picking and choosing what works best for you. And, if you've got your own suggestions for becoming more acquainted with your dildo that you don't see here, feel free to let us know.

You might even get to see your suggestions featured right here on our Lovegasm site in a future updated version of this article!

Take Things At Your Own Pace

Finally, once you've tried out some or all of the above steps, it's time to try penetration again.

Remember, there is absolutely no "one correct timeline" that you need to adhere to. Move as slowly or as quickly as you want through the suggestions in the above section. You might feel ready to try out penetration in a few days, or you might want to wait several weeks or even several months as you get acquainted with your new dildo.

There's no wrong answer - you're ready when you're ready, and moving at your own pace is the best way to ensure that when penetration does happen, it does so with a minimum of pressure or stress.

Once you've lubed up your dildo, set up a relaxing atmosphere, and gotten yourself turned on via the foreplay of your choice, you might find yourself feeling impatient and ready to get the show on the road. However, we do encourage that you continue moving at a slow, relaxing pace so as not to force your body to take on too much all at once.

What do we mean by that? Well, simply put, we strongly recommend against shoving the entire dildo inside you to its full length.

Start with just the tip - put the "head" of the dildo inside your vagina and then take some time to get used to the sensation. Check in with yourself and your body as you do this. How are you feeling? Are you comfortable? Uncomfortable? Do you need more or less lubricant, or a bit more foreplay?

If you're new to adding penetration to your masturbation, a little bit of stretching feeling is to be expected - but discomfort, irritation and pain are NOT normal. If you are feeling any pain, withdraw the dildo, take a break, and add more lube, more foreplay, or both before starting things up again.

You don't have to get the dildo all the way in during your first session.

It's okay if you go slowly, starting with "just the tip" and adding a little bit more each time. Even once the dildo is fully seated inside o


Share this post



← Older Post Newer Post →

You Might Also Be Interested In:

Where Do Dildos Come From? An Insider's Look At How Our Favorite Toys Are Made

Odds are, when you're playing with your dildo, "where did this come from" is probably not the first question that pops into your head. But if you've never thought about it before, perhaps you shou...

Read More

What To Do If Your Dildo Doesn't Fit: Tips For Proper Dildo Insertion

Is there any worse feeling then finally unwrapping your brand new dildo, getting all hot and ready, slowly beginning to slide it inside your vagina or asshole - only for your sexual ecstasy to com...

Read More

Tips and Tricks for Effective Dildo Use

We get asked a lot about "how to use a dildo". And while it's an extremely important question, one which you might argue is extremely vital to know if you wish to add these unique and versatile...

Read More

Screwing Around The House - How To Use A Suction Cup Dildo

It's finally time to talk about a very special product which has absolutely taken the sex toy world by storm. It's flexible, versatile, comes in a huge range of sizes and colors, can be used in...

Read More

Meet the World's Largest Dildos!

We often recommend that novice dildo-buyers start with something a little on the smaller side - as close as possible to the average length of a real-life penis. However, for some people, th...

Read More

Introduction to Dildos

Sometimes, you just want to get yourself off, but nothing quite feels like enough. Your fingers, usually so reliable, just leave you twitching and unsatisfied.

Read More

If Size Doesn't Matter, Why Are Dildos So Big?

This is one of the most common questions which we receive from our customers here at Lovegasm. In fact, we're pretty sure that this question has showed up more often than any other inquiry sinc...

Read More

How To Keep Your Dildo Squeaky Clean

It's an unfortunate truth: Sex is messy. From saliva to lube and sweat to semen, the number and amount of bodily fluids which can get involved in a single sexy session can be pretty startling i...

Read More

How Does A Dildo Feel?

This is a question which we find ourselves being asked quite frequently - but also, unfortunately, it is one which is often quite difficult to answer. Why is that, exactly? you might ask.

Read More

How A Dildo Can Help You Learn To Deep Throat Like a Pro!

Have you ever dreamed of being able to deep throat your partner - to take his cock as far as possible into the back of your throat, squeezing around him to provide pressure and tightness and plea...

Read More