Hidden Pleasures: How To Hide Your Dildo

In a perfect world, none of us would ever have to hide our sex toys.

We could proudly display our collections of dildos, strap-ons, whips, chains, and whatever else we prefer to use in the bedroom on top of our nightstands or decorating our bookshelves.

Unfortunately, however, for many kinky sex toy enthusiasts around the world, that's just not possible. Snooping parents, curious children, unfamiliar houseguests, and shy roommates are just a few of the possible reasons which can require a person to keep their dildo collection or their favorite handcuffs out of the public eye.

And if your parent, child, or other housemate just doesn't yet understand the concepts of "private space" or "keep your eyes to yourself," it might not even be sufficient to simply stack your dildos in a drawer and call it a day.

Lucky for you, us helpful staff members here at Lovegasm are ready and prepared to help you through every aspect of dildo ownership - and that includes finding the perfect place to stash it away, should the necessity arise!

First off, all of our sex toys are shipped to the address of your choice in discreet, unlabeled packaging, meaning that nobody else in your house has to know that you are purchasing a dildo if you don't want them to.

Secondly, we've crafted this article with the specific purpose of suggesting simple, around the house hiding spots which are both practically undetectable and require little or no monetary investment.

We hope that, with the help of this guide, you will be able to enjoy hours of stress-free play with your favorite dildo - or any other sex toys which you hope to include - while having zero risk or fear of detection!

What Makes A Good Hiding Spot?

A good hiding spot for your dildo is defined by two qualifications: it is both private and accessible. Private means that it is either difficult for anyone other than you to locate it, due to a lock or other, similarly strong barrier, and accessible means that it is simple and easy for you to retrieve your dildo from when you're feeling frisky.

Secondary considerations which you might factor into your choice of a hiding place might also include: is the location clean? Is it dry? Is it safe from mold, insects, bacteria or other nasties?

Is it somewhere that will attract a lot of lint, dust, hairballs, or other crud which can make cleaning your dildo a much lengthier task? Is it warm, cold, or room temperature?

Dark or well-lit? How much space do you have? If you are going to be storing multiple dildos in this location, do you have a simple method of keeping them separate and preventing them from rubbing or scraping against each other too much?

A good hiding spot for your dildo is defined by two qualifications: it is both private and accessible.

Private means that it is either difficult for anyone other than you to locate it, due to a lock or other, similarly strong barrier, and accessible means that it is simple and easy for you to retrieve your dildo from when you're feeling frisky.

Secondary considerations which you might factor into your choice of a hiding place might also include: is the location clean? Is it dry? Is it safe from mold, insects, bacteria or other nasties?

Is it somewhere that will attract a lot of lint, dust, hairballs, or other crud which can make cleaning your dildo a much lengthier task? Is it warm, cold, or room temperature? Dark or well-lit?

How much space do you have? If you are going to be storing multiple dildos in this location, do you have a simple method of keeping them separate and preventing them from rubbing or scraping against each other too much?

Behind A Lock

The simplest and safest way to store a dildo with zero fear of detection is in a location which is securely locked, either by a combination lock or an old fashioned key lock - as long as the key is held by you and you alone, of course!

Some nightstands, cabinets or chests of drawers may come with a pre-installed locking drawer, typically made for the storage of valuables such as jewelry or money, which can easily be repurposed for your sex toy collection.

If your need to lock up your toys comes from a health hazard reason rather than a "judgmental parents/roomie" one - for example, you have small children who like to open your drawers and you want to keep them from choking on your dildos - you may also be able to hire a locksmith to convert a standard drawer into a locking one.

The simplest and safest way to store a dildo with zero fear of detection is in a location which is securely locked, either by a combination lock or an old fashioned key lock - as long as the key is held by you and you alone, of course!

Some nightstands, cabinets or chests of drawers may come with a pre-installed locking drawer, typically made for the storage of valuables such as jewelry or money, which can easily be repurposed for your sex toy collection.

If your need to lock up your toys comes from a health hazard reason rather than a "judgmental parents/roomie" one - for example, you have small children who like to open your drawers and you want to keep them from choking on your dildos - you may also be able to hire a locksmith to convert a standard drawer into a locking one.

Hidden In A Drawer

Sex toys, especially smaller sized dildos and vibrators, can easily be hidden away in a drawer filled with more innocuous items such as clothing, art supplies, or even childhood stuffed animals.

We recommend choosing a drawer which does not see frequent everyday use (and, if you've got adventurous children in the house, one located higher up and out of the reach of their inquisitive little arms).

The underwear drawer may seem like an obvious choice, but, unfortunately, that's become so much of a cliche that it's actually the first place a nosy parent or houseguest will think to look!

Instead, try your sock drawer - wrapping your dildo up in a pair of thick winter socks is a great way to disguise it completely, so that even someone rifling through each pair of socks will not be able to find it.

Another great option is to store your dildo in whichever drawer contains your out-of-season clothing. This drawer sees little use and there is almost no chance that your parents will open it to deposit laundry or for any other mundane reason.

Small dildos can easily be hidden inside pockets or socks, while larger ones can be wrapped up inside a folded shirt or pair of pants. However, don't forget to shift the dildo's location from your winter to your summer clothes and vice versa each time the season changes!

If you are in possession of a large desk or chest of drawers, it may also be the case that there is a little bit of extra space under the bottom drawer (between the base of the bottom drawer and the floor of your room) accessible only by removing the drawer from its hinges entirely.

This can make a nice, roomy storage location - but first, you've got to make sure that the drawer doesn't "squeak" or make any other sort of loud noise when removed, and also that you can safely remove it and put it back in quickly and quietly without causing any damage to the overall structure.

Basically, this can be a great hiding place, but you've definitely got to give it a test run and make sure that everything is stable and safe before committing!

In and Around the Bed

The bed is the place where you're most likely to find yourself making use of your favorite dildo, so why not make it your hiding place, as well?

While simply sticking your toy under the sheets or inside a rolled-up blanket might lead to its discovery on laundry day, there are a few sneakier options which might work to keep your pleasure pal nice and hidden.

If you have a pillow cover which fastens with a zipper, button or snap, you can tuck a dildo inside and nobody will ever be the wiser.

Some manufacturers have even started to sell pillows featuring secret compartments specifically designed for keeping your bedtime aids safely hidden away.

However, the presence of the dildo will make the interior of the pillow feel lumpy and uncomfortable, so we recommend doing this with decorative throw pillows or full body "hug" pillows rather than anything that will be going directly under your head at night.

Some beds will also have room either under the box spring, inside the box spring or between the mattress and the box spring. We encourage you to poke around under your sheets and see what options are available to you.

You can even employ velcro, double-sided tape or a small bag with straps to hang your dildo from the underside of your bed with zero risk of it falling down and making noise during the day or night.

Just remember, as always, to make sure your dildo's hiding place is easily accessible and do a few "test runs" to ensure that your removal method is quick, quiet and doesn't increase your risk of discovery.

Of course, if you're going to be hiding any toys under the mattress, you should also check and make sure that you can comfortably sleep on top of them without experiencing any painful lumps or next morning soreness - "The Princess and the Dildo" may be a great title for an XXX-rated "Princess and the Pea" parody, but it's not the kind of fairy tale you want to be acting out in your day to day life!

Additional Alternatives

Of course, we've only begun to scratch the surface when it comes to all the unique and sneaky places where you can hide your favorite dildo.

We asked our Lovegasm staffers to share with us some of their favorite, most effective and most memorable hiding places from their younger years, and we managed to amass this varied collection of truly unique options, quoted directly for your reading pleasure:

  • I cut a hole in the back of this old, worn-down teddy bear and stored my very first dildo in there. I had a big basket of stuffed animals that I didn't play with anymore, they just like, sat in my bedroom, and most of them were so torn and grungy and falling apart that my mom never bothered cleaning them. So she never had the slightest idea what was really in there!
  • I put mine in the box with my tampons. My mom preferred pads, and I only had brothers, so it was like, the one place in the house that nobody ever looked except me. It was a tiny little bullet thing, so it was pretty much the same size and shape as the rest of the tampons.

    At first I used to take extra care and wrapped it up in an old wrapper, so nobody would notice the different color, but eventually I realized nobody was looking and just threw it back in the box after I used it

  • My best friend in high school smoked a lot of pot and she hid it in these boxes that were shaped like fake books that you could put on your bookshelf, but they were hollow inside for storing stuff.

    I just took one of hers one day and put my dildo in it and put it on my shelf. She had so many I don't think she ever noticed

  • When I went off to college, I was really into movies so I brought all these movie posters to hang in my dorm room. After I had put them all up, I just put my dildo inside the empty poster tube.
  • At first, I put it inside one of the water bottles that I used when I went running. But one day I was running with my friend, and she picked up the bottle and was like, "why is this so heavy?".

    I had to come up with an excuse really fast and I just said that I must have accidentally put it in the freezer overnight and the water had frozen.

    I don't think she believed me, but at least she didn't open the bottle to check. I moved it to my bedroom after that, and put it in a drawer - I could never trust the water bottle again after that! I was too scared!

  • Oh, man, I had like, THE most elaborate setup, you'll never believe this. So I opened up the back of my computer - no, not the monitor, the computer itself, that was when computers were like, really big and bulky and took up the entire space under your desk.

    So I opened up the panel in the back, where all these wires were, and put my dildo inside in a black bag so it wouldn't show up in the dark. And then I only screwed one of the screws back in, so I could like, reach inside the hole and grab the dildo without having to unscrew the whole thing again.

    But I was still scared so I put this big sign on it, that said like, DON'T TOUCH OR ELSE, because I was a teenager and I thought my parents would actually listen to stupid threats like that.

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure they found it, or at least, they knew I was hiding something back there. They were probably just glad it wasn't beer or weed, now that I think about it.

Do you have your own story of dildo-hiding escapades to share? Contact Lovegasm today, and you may just see your story featured in a future article right here on our site!

One Final Reminder

If you've got a dildo to hide, odds are you've probably got some lube that you don't want your parents, children or housemates discovering as well.

(And if you don't, well, we strongly recommend checking out our articles about why lube should always be used with dildos - see here and here for more information - and getting a few "sample" or "starter" sizes of various types to start learning what you like).

Lube is generally much simpler to hide than a dildo, as it tends to come in small packets or bottles which can often be easily disguised as more innocuous types of cosmetics.

In fact, you can even successfully hide your lube by putting it into an empty shampoo, lotion or sunscreen bottle - as long as you don't slip up and forget which bottle you are using, then your family and friends will be none the wiser!

That being said, keep in mind that lube should always be stored in a dark, dry, temperature-controlled environment where it will not be allowed to get too hot or too cold. In addition, always keep your lube carefully and tightly sealed at all times.

Many lubes contain ingredients such as sugar which can make a tempting treat for insects, mold, mildew, or other nasties that you definitely don't want invading your private pleasure time!

Of course, you can't hide a dildo if you don't have a dildo to hide in the first place! Head on over to our catalog - found here - to browse our extensive collection of sex toys of all shapes, sizes and varieties, available at affordable prices with discreet shipping directly to the address of your choice.

We guarantee that you will be able to find the perfect tool to bring yourself more pleasure than you can ever remember experiencing in your life! Just remember - stay safe, keep your dildo clean and properly stored, and make sure to enjoy many happy orgasms!

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