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A new year, a new decade. Why not a new sex-life too? Why not explore the essence and spiritual energy of making love this year? Read on and learn to go beyond physical sex.
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Soulful Sex — Essence and Energy
The question to ask is: is there more to sex than just physical pleasure? The answer is yes, there is. It is about connection not only in terms of the body but spirit as well. With your lover, the universe, and yourself as well. There are basically three reasons to have sex (which are all good): fun, breeding, and spiritual sex. We shall look at the latter.
Origins of Spiritual Sex (And Brief History)
Sex has been around for, literally, ages. It is the way to procreate, have fun, and create a deeper bond between lover and lover. However, modern times seem to be focusing on the physical, fairly short-lived pleasure of sex. The deeper connection of the souls between two people in a committed, loving relationship has been lost. But, now it can be rediscovered. Therefore, there seems to be a bit a trend to go deeper, in terms of the spiritual, and to let sex last longer, make the bond strong, and, basically, just to feel more. This could be why many couples are turning to Spiritual sex in the hopes of having that connection, that feeling.
Learn more about the history of some of your favourite sex toys in our history series:
Spiritual sex seems to have stemmed mostly from Hinduism, the Chinese, and, to a certain, extent Buddhism. However, dates have disappeared in time. The theories and methods have not, but there is some Western spice on the traditional notions with a dash of misinterpretation that hurt Spiritual sex in the long haul. The origins of spiritual sex go who knows how many years ago, to the ancient times, with the two main schools being Taoism and Tantra.
Taoism or Daoism have their origins in Ancient China, and they focus is on living in harmony with the lack of rhythm in the universe. Plus, the roots of Taoism seem to stem back all the way to about the 4th century BCE. However, with regards to Taoist sex, it is about “Joining Energy” or “The Joining of The Essence.”
Tantra sex comes from the Sanskrit word meaning “woven together.” It explores the concept of couples interlacing the physical and spiritual of love-making. It follows a slow rhythm where the purpose is more about spiritual merging and going towards a pathway of enlightenment. Not just the physical organism. Tantra sex research came from a collection of Sanskrit religious texts where sex was not really the focus but a way to unleash spiritual energy, the deities that dwell within us.
Mindfulness and connecting is the point, and once they establish that, the couple would be able to prolong the orgasm. Many couples that have experienced the method of Tantra would describe it as “dissolving” into each other.
A common way people begin to explore tantra is by trying out new and interesting sex positions. Check out our guide to some great sex positions to get you started.
Taoism and Tantra seem to focus more on the soulful side of sex, which seems to be a bit lacking in today’s age. Sex was more about bonding and reaching enlightenment before physical pleasure. This all changed when Aleister Crowley came into the picture. The man interpreted Tantric sex (in particular) as a form of magic and wrote about it in this light only. Not much research exists on the traditions and methodology of love-making. Since, Crowley’s writing became popular, with the fuel of misunderstanding from European missionaries who exaggerated, many original writings about Tantra has been lost, misunderstood, or overshadowed.
Taoist Sex Practices
Taoism essentially has two features to it: the Qi and the Jing. The Qi is the life force, and it is a part of everything. Jing is the essence. They relate to each other, and once they are gone, the body “dies.” The Jing can be lost with ejaculation since it is believed that the most amount of Jing is in semen. This is why one of the main practices of Taoist sex is to control male ejaculation or avoid it.
There are a few ways to control ejaculation. One is the “pull out method” being the most common. It is also known as coitus conservatus. That is done before an orgasm is achieved. The other way is to put pressure on the area between the scrotum and anus known as the perineum. The purpose of this is to keep the semen inside. Taoists believe that the Jing in the semen would make its way to the brain and nourish it. However, this latter method is not common since it could have the chance of causing retrograde ejaculation.
Jing can also be created with the connection of lovers while performing intercourse. This would allow the man to turn his Jing into Qi, which could fill up his life force. The best way to do this is by simply having more sex so that their body can get used to this experience and have more control over their ejaculation. That way, they are able to build up more Jing.
There is also another method where men would not use their Jing (semen), which could take more practice as well as a change of mindset. This is by separating the connection of ejaculation to the orgasm. This method would help the man to stop penetration but keep his erection as well as have an orgasm. This type of orgasm is not the release of sperm but of energy with the help of meditation known as “intention.”
Tantric Sex Practices
Tantric sex is all about the spiritual connection, which can be achieved through the physical. One of the easiest ways to create a connection between your partner and yourself is by doing breathing exercises while keeping eye contact. One can do this by facing the partner and breathing together with them. Exhale at the same time, inhale at the same time, but keep your eyes on one of their eyes and avoid hopping between the two. The cliché saying is true that eyes are the windows to the soul. Therefore, keeping eye contact while syncing breaths is the beginning of creating (or re-establishing) a deeper connection.
Once you have the rhythm of breath, you, too, should move into the exchange of it. This is done by literally breathing each other in. Your partner would exhale, and then you would inhale. As if you are sharing energy and breathe. You can practice it with your clothes on. The point of Tantra is to create a bond with your partner inside and out. From their spirit to their body, their space, personality, and aura.
While many guides to tantric sex practices will focus on couples, you can still explore this alone. If you struggle to visualise things on your own, why not try a sex doll for a more realistic experience.
And for Beginners...
However, if you two would like a bit of a physical connection or are just starting out Tantra, then you and your lover may want to consider only doing the breathing exchange, but closer. Both people would have to be naked, with one sitting on top of the other. Their legs would be wrapped around the partner’s waist, and they would exchange breathing. Eye contact would be maintained even when the two of you go into caressing as well as kissing. This then moves into slow love-making, without taking away the eye contact, caressing, and smooching.
There are also a number of Tantric sex positions that can be explored while you two explore each other in a deeper and more profound sense. However, regardless of which position you two land on, keep in mind to take it slow. This is also done to explore the sensual ranges of the mind and body as well as to share the space and energy of your partner with yourself. And breathe as a form of meditation.
Sanskrit Teachings on Sex
Sanskrit is one of the oldest Indian languages used in a number of religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. It means “sanctified,” “refined,” as well as “consecrated.” Nowadays, Sanskrit is mostly the language of Hinduism. Therefore, in order to talk about the Sanskrit teachings, we would have to put our attention on how Hinduism views sex.
Hinduism views sex as being divine, something that needs to be done, and is not at all sinful (expect when illegal such as rape, incest, and affairs, etc.) This is a contrasting view to that of Christianity. Hinduism links sex to continuing god’s duty of rebirth and freedom. There are three types of sex:
Types of Sex
Tamasic sex seems to be the one that is the worst to go for. This is because it can be brought about by the use of treats, being lustful, painful, and could go against social norms. However, it could also be a quickie without a spiritual connection. Rajasic sex, on the other hand, seems to be one-sided where one panther wants their fix without much concern for the other. Sattvic sex is the one the Hinduism seems to aim for since it is pleasurable, within social norms, and it is dutiful.
There is also a number of Hindi gods that enjoy the realism of sex. Legend has it, one of them being even Shiva, one of the main three gods. Shiva fell for Mohini (his not-wife, Parvati), and they bore a child. This only further proves how accepting and, to a certain, extent liberating Hindi is with the notion of sex.
There can also be another (not direct) link between Shiva and love-making. Shiva is said to embodiment enlightenment, and Tantric sex is all about connection and reaching for a type of spiritual enlightenment. Sex is even linked to the chakra, such as the Muladhara and the Svadhisthana, which are connected to desire and pleasure. Therefore, the Sanskrit teachings of sex are that it is wonderful, dutiful, can display a spiritual connection, and energy. If the gods like to do it, it must be wild.
New Age Sex
Spiritual sex has slowly become more and more common in the West. There is a trend to make people view sex as something deeper then it currently is. This can fall in the “New Age Sex” mindset, where some of the concepts of Tantra are looked at and used. This is more commonly known as Neotantra, which is a Western interpretation of Tantra, which seems to be closer to the original meaning than that of the past with Crowley.
But there are some differences between Neotantra and Tantra. The main being is that Neotantra focuses more on sexual activities, unlike the former. Sex would only come about after a lot of training, and maybe even once. That could lead to the reasoning why there are plenty of positions ranging from the well-known Kama Sutra to the more modern ones, all in the hopes of arousing passion and fun. There are also many toys and other tools to help prepare for sex, with one of the common ones being the yoni balls.
Learn more about the spirituality behind Yoni Eggs in our FAQ.
Another difference between Neotantra and Tantra is the use of Gurus. With regards to Tantra, the guru was seen as being extremely important, and they used to help achieve liberation within one lifetime. They were said to be able to destroy the karmic barriers, as well as keep lovers on the right path to enlightenment. They did not charge for their work. What is different in Neotantra in that gurus are not necessary, and the ones that do use gurus have to pay for them. Plus, they are often self-made, mostly likely using New Age teaching methods.
Does Spiritual Sex Work?
Spiritual sex can work, depending on how open your mind is, and how much work you and your lover put into it. The point of it is to go more in-depth with each other’s desires and to last for as long as you are willing too. It is not about the physical but the emotional, the spiritual, about your partner, yourself, and the aura of the world. Every couple is different, and getting to enlightenment may take longer for some than for others, which is fine. There is no time limit, nor is there a rush. That would go against Tantric sex and Taoism sex.
Some couples may even find it challenging to breathe at the same time without nervous giggling. Others may find it difficult to get their panther fully on board. They may be having a bad, distracting day. It happens, but the point is not to give up if this is something you two want to do for the long haul. And slow and steady reaches enlightenment.
Making love should not be complicated, but it should be soulful. We have drawn away from the world of the spirit and too far into the den of the physical that changing our mindset would be the most challenging part of any attempt at Spiritual sex. Breaking away from not only the social taboo, but even the mental one of “speed is king,” which may not be done overnight. But, if it is, congratulations. However, not everyone’s the same.
If you feel like you and your partner are in the zone, why not enjoy your new trust with some anal play? Butt plugs, anal beads, and prostate massagers are all great ways to add another sensation to your sex life.
So, Spiritual sex can work, and it has worked. Breathing, meditation, sharing spiritual energy, feeling spiritual merging, understanding, and going slow are the keys to a lot of it. Making a mental connection can improve not only your sex life but also your health. After all, you are putting your partner’s needs and wants first, and they are putting your desires first at the same time. How can that not work and improve the art of love-making?
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