When exploring the world of DDLG or many other similar roleplaying practises, you put yourself into a vulnerable position. It’s very easy for people to take advantage of this for their own benefit...Read More
Doing DDLG - How, When, Where?
If you’ve decided DDLG is something you want to explore, great! Unfortunately though, it can be quite difficult to even know where to start. There are a lot of resources you can find online to try and get you started on your DDLG journey, but you need to do a lot of searching and check a lot of different sites.
To make everything easier and simpler, we’ve compiled this guide to arm you with everything you need to start exploring DDLG in your own relationship!
How to Suggest DDLG to Your Partner
The first part of any DDLG relationship is going to be a discussion with your partner. In most scenarios, one of you will have discovered DDLG and already done some reading into it, or will have already been aware of it before the relationship.
An honest and open discussion is incredibly important, as this kind of role play involves elements of control and submission, and both partners need to be comfortable to get the most out of the experience.
You also shouldn’t force the issue. If your partner doesn’t want to take part, then constantly bringing it up and pushing for them to do it with you is likely to just place strain on your relationship, and the role play itself will probably not be as rewarding or enjoyable. NEVER place an ultimatum, where if they don’t join in with you that you’ll leave. This can force them to do things they aren’t comfortable with.
Introduce them to the concept by explaining what it is, and why you want to do it. Talk about the things that they might also enjoy, and give them some information to read so that they are able to fully understand what you’re asking them to do.
DDLG Getting Started
The simplest way to get started with DDLG is to just start exploring little space! This can be done on your own, and give you an idea of the kinds of things you do and don’t enjoy. You can also see how long you like to stay in character, and anything that you don’t like which you wouldn’t want to be a part of your relationship.
If your partner does want to try out DDLG with you, then you can start to discuss the specifics of the relationship. Sometimes this is done in an informal way, simply by talking about it then giving it a try. This can lead to a lot of ambiguity though and may put one or both of you into situations you aren’t entirely comfortable with.
Many couples instead opt to create a contract, and this is something we would highly recommend. Having everything laid out in writing means that if any disagreements come up, you can refer back to your agreement and decide whether or not situations are in the spirit of your original agreement.
This contract doesn’t need to be set in stone, and you might often find that things pop up that you hadn’t thought about when first discussing your DDLG relationship. In these cases, it’s good to regularly review your contract and change or add to it to make sure everyone involved stays on the same page.
DDLG contracts will often cover:
- Your roles: Unsurprisingly, this will probably be the first thing you discuss. If you both want to be littles or both want to be caregivers, then the role play won’t really work. Figure out which of you will play which role before moving onto other topics.
- When/how long the role play will be: Some couples choose to make their DDLG role play a permanent addition to their relationship. Each partner will always be in character no matter where you go or what you’re doing. Others might choose to keep it in their home, or only take part at certain times.
- What the role play will involve: This will be the largest portion of the contract. It’s important to lay out the expectations of each partner, so they can be clear on what they should be doing within the relationship. This section can also discuss rules that the little will follow, and punishments the caregiver will use if the little misbehaves.
- How to end the roleplay: While many couples will want this to be a permanent fixture in their relationship, people change, and over time one or both of you may become less interested in DDLG. It’s important to make clear how you will end the role play so that if the situation does arise, both partners take any concerns seriously.
- Safe words: In any roleplay situation, it’s vitally important that you prepare a safe word before starting. A safe word gives both partners a way to pause the roleplay if they are becoming uncomfortable with what is going on. Your safe word should be one which isn’t going to commonly come up during your roleplay.
- Anything off limits: Some DDLG relationships have sexual components, punishments, costumes, public appearances, and many other aspects. Lay out right from the start anything you don’t want to do so that you aren’t put into situations you find uncomfortable. This can be reviewed throughout your relationship, as you may find your interests change over time, but anything on the off-limits list should be respected by both partners.
Another important thing to plan out before you start any DDLG roleplay is how you will handle aftercare. This kind of roleplay can put a lot of strain on the participants, and when you end a session you can feel exhausted, vulnerable, and unsure what to do.
A proper aftercare regime is usually offered by the dominant partner, and serves as a cooling off period. During this time you can discuss everything that has happened in your scene, work through any issues that may have arisen (including psychological issues), or simply just cuddle and make the submissive partner feel comfortable until they have recovered from their experience.
It might sound a little cheesy, but many different fetishes and roleplay kinks can bring up issues you didn’t realise were there, and leave you in a vulnerable position. Regularly exploring these without proper aftercare can lead to psychological trauma, and affect your life outside the role play.
Starting DDLG Roleplay
Once you’ve done all the preparation you need to, you’ll be ready to actually start your roleplay. This can be quite an intimidating time.
As with anything new, it might take some time for you to feel comfortable with everything, so your first few sessions can feel a little awkward. You might want to start with some smaller or shorter sessions as you get warmed up, then gradually increase the length or intensity of the roleplay.
Try to get into it as much as you can in the early sessions, as this can help you to feel more confident and enjoy the role play a lot more.
Games and Activities for Littles
Alongside gently easing yourself into the role play, taking advantage of planned games and activities can also help you feel more comfortable in what you’re doing. These kinds of activities will generally form an important part of your DDLG relationship over time, but by planning out some things to do at the start, you can explore the characters much more freely without worrying about what you’re doing or how you’re doing it.
Some common examples of activities that littles enjoy include:
- Visiting toy stores.
- Spending time at the beach or in a park.
- Learning new things. You could teach your little how to catch, write their name, or read.
- Going for ice cream or other treats.
- Drawing or painting together.
- Playing board games.
- Watching a movie together.
- Reading a bedtime story.
- Being bathed or showered.
- Helping with household chores.
- Petting animals together.
This list could be practically endless. Essentially anything you would do with a real child is something that you could do together while enjoying DDLG. If you find yourself struggling for ideas, you could check out some of the many different forums and message boards, where others talk about their experiences with the fetish.
DDLG in Public
A decision which will need to be made early on, is whether or not you want your DDLG relationship to be present in public settings.
This is a difficult consideration, as you might not be comfortable showing other people this aspect of your life, and other people may react unfavourably to your DDLG interest.
You should try to think carefully about when and where you want to make your role play more obvious. Even some of the more natural settings where it makes sense may be somewhat inappropriate. A great example of this is a playground.
While your little would obviously enjoy playing on the swings or a slide, be sure to respect other people in this setting. Some parents may be uncomfortable with an adult talking to their children, or may not like grown adults using a children’s playground.
Another way you can bring your role play into public settings is by tempering it a little. Rather than making big, extravagant scenarios, you can instead incorporate small elements of your lifestyle into everyday situations. For example, you could have pet names for each other, so rather than just calling each other “daddy” or “little girl”, you can still maintain your relationship to each other without other people knowing the full situation.
DDLG in the Bedroom
Some people also like to include a sexual element in their DDLG role play. This can be a controversial thing thanks to the implications it carries. Even in completely vanilla relationships though, there can be some elements of age play like getting a girl to “call you daddy” and other similar things.
If your DDLG is going to have a sexual component, this should be discussed thoroughly beforehand to make sure everyone is comfortable with it. Then it’s entirely up to you what shape this takes. You might want to stay in character while having sex or you might not.
There are DDLG relationships out there where sex isn’t involved at all, some where during sex the DDLG dynamic is suspended, and some where everything stays in character throughout. You need to figure out what works for you and your partner, and then just do it!
DDLG Long Distance
While the core of DDLG may be about letting go and being free of your usual, adult roles, most people will still need to maintain some elements of their adult lives such as jobs, relationships with families and friends, etc. This means that at some point, many DDLG couples will need to keep their relationship going while apart from one another.
This can be a difficult challenge, just like in more vanilla relationships.
However, it’s definitely possible, and for some people it’s even easier than an in-person relationship!
To start with, doing a long distance DDLG relationship gives you time to build trust with each other before meeting. As there are power play dynamics involved, one person in the relationship will always be left in a more vulnerable position and be open to abuse. By keeping the relationship physically separate, you can figure out if you’ve found the right daddy or little before taking things into the real world.
We’re also more connected than ever! We have mobile phones and the internet, which means even if you’re thousands of miles apart, you can still talk to each other regularly and start to build a bond. And as there is a huge psychological component to DDLG, these online or verbal interactions are just as valuable for exploring your headspace as a little or daddy.
Finding a Partner
In an ideal world, we’d all be in a relationship with someone interested in the same things as us, and be free to explore DDLG however we want. Unfortunately though, this isn’t always the case. There are plenty of people who enjoy being both littles and daddies or mommies who are single, and would love to find a partner to enjoy their fetish with.
Thanks to technology there are more ways than ever to find a partner to enjoy this kind of relationship with!
There are many message boards online where people gather to discuss DDLG, and will cover anything from games and activities you can do together, contracts, and almost any other aspect you can think of. Most of these boards will have sections for those looking for a partner, and you can start talking to people and try and find someone who shares your interests.
As always when meeting people online, you should be careful. Make sure you’re talking to who you think you are, and if you’re going to meet someone for the first time, it’s often best to take a friend along with you. Never meet people alone in situations you are uncomfortable with!
If you prefer the real touch though, you can also try and find someone in the real world. This can often be much more difficult, as many people will be afraid or ashamed to talk about some of their fetishes in person. However there are many different festivals and gatherings you can go to where people are accepting and open about what they like.
While many of these events will not be specifically focused on DDLG, but be more of a general acceptance of different preferences, there is a lot of crossover between DDLG and other fetishes. Going to a BDSM event, some roleplaying events, or even gay or lesbian pride events can be a great place to start!
Diapering is an element of DDLG that isn’t going to be for everyone. As the name suggests, it involves the little wearing a diaper, just as a child might. Some even refer to this as it’s own fetish: adult babies.
This is a much more hardcore element of DDLG, and you might find that less people are willing to engage with it than some of the other things we’ve discussed. But if you enjoy it, then that’s completely fine!
For the diapers themselves, you’ll need to find a brand of adult diapers or incontinence pads. Most often, it’s best to start out just wearing them around the house and getting used to what they feel like. They will be different to wearing normal underwear, and it’s not uncommon to feel silly at first.
Once you get used to them though, you can try actually using them. This isn’t going to be for everyone, and there are only some places where it will be appropriate. If you do decide to use your diapers though, then your partner can be involved with cleaning up and changing your diaper. They can even find some wet wipes which can add some more intimacy to the process.
Self care won’t be a consideration for people who are in real life, in person DDLG relationships. For those who are exploring solo or long distance DDLG though, self care can be an important aspect.
Many elements of self care are things usually taken on by a daddy or mommy, but in their absence the little can do these things themselves. The main part of this process is setting out rules, routines, rewards and punishments, just like daddy or mommy would.
It can be a good idea to do this out of character. Put yourselves in the shoes of your ideal partner, and think about what you’d want them to do to facilitate your little space. Create charts and schedules, write down rules and punishments, and figure out exactly how you want your experience to go.
The hard part is sticking to it all. While in little space it can be easy to simply forget as you become more into the roleplay. But forcing yourself to bear these things in mind, and give punishments and rewards as necessary can really enhance your roleplay, and make you enjoy it a lot more!
Don’t Be Afraid To Seek Out Help!
Ideally, just talking to the other people involved in your DDLG experience will be all the help you will need. You’ll be able to think of plenty of ideas, everything will be safe and enjoyable for everyone involved, and you’ll just have a great time!
This isn’t always the case though, so you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from others. There are many, many people online who you can talk to. You can get ideas on almost anything, from what to do with your little, ways to enhance your relationship, or even to check that your partners aren’t being abusive!
Most of all though, talking to others can help you become part of a larger community which shares your interests, and together you can help each other to make the most of your time exploring DDLG!