Choosing a Dildo to Fit Your Harness

So you've got yourself a brand new harness.

Perhaps it comes with one dildo, but you're looking to expand your collection. Or maybe the dildo is sold separately, and you want to make absolutely sure that it fits before making your final purchase.

Regardless of your ultimate goal, we're here to help!

We will introduce you to the best methods of ensuring that each and every dildo will properly and snugly fit in your harness without risk of falling out or becoming damaged during play.

If you follow the instructions presented in this guide as well as keeping your strap-ons clean and properly stored, they will safely last you through years and years of sexual fun and erotic exploration!

​Measure Twice, Purchase Once

It is extremely important that you take accurate measurements both of your harness and of any dildos which you intend to use with it.

Measuring is the only way to ensure that each and every dildo you choose will properly fit your harness.

Why is it so important to choose a well-fitted dildo?

Dildos which are too large can bend, warp or otherwise damage the straps or body of the harness, while dildos which are too small can slip out during penetration and even potentially injure you or your partner during a particularly athletic or acrobatic bout of sexual activity.

Like Goldilocks choosing the perfect bed in the Three Bears' house, you should always make sure that your dildo is "just right" before putting it to use in the bedroom!

The primary measurements of a dildo which should be taken include length, width (for dildos, typically referred to as "girth" or "thickness") and circumference - including the girth and circumference of any larger or oddly shaped areas, such as bulges, knots or simulated testicles.

The length measurement ensures that the dildo will properly be able to penetrate you and your partner, while the thickness and circumference determine whether or not it will be able to fit into the hole, slit or ring of your harness.

There are a few important points which you should always keep in mind when taking the measurements of a dildo to be used as part of a strap-on.

First, if the dildo is going to be attached to a harness, there are in fact two distinct lengths which you need to consider.

These are typically referred to as the "actual length" and either the "usable length" or "penetration length".

What does this mean, exactly?

Well, when you attach the dildo to the harness, a portion of its base must remain in or behind the hole or O-ring to prevent slipping during intercourse.

Typically, anywhere between half an inch and one and one half inches of the dildo will be covered by the harness and cannot be used for penetration.

If you are engaging in anal intercourse, the unusable amount is often even longer, and will vary depending on the size of your partner's cheeks.

The full length of the dildo is its "actual length," while what remains after taking harness thickness and other factors into consideration is the "usable" or "penetration" length.

To get a feel for a dildo's penetration length, try putting on the harness outside of the bedroom, standing in a neutral position (without your body thrust forwards or leaned backwards) and measuring (or having your partner measure) the part that remains sticking out.

While personal preferences will of course vary from individual to individual, typically, a penetration length should be at least 3-4 inches for maximum pleasure and sensation.

In general, it is recommended that you purchase a dildo at least 5" long if you are planning to use your strap-on for vaginal penetration and at least 6" long if anal activities are your primary goal.

As for thickness, the usable dimensions will depend on the size - specifically the diameter - of your harness's hole or O-ring.

Some harnesses will allow for the use of interchangeable O-rings, meaning that they can be used with a wider variety of thinner and thicker dildos, while others will be limited to a single ring and will thus not be as versatile or flexible.

For a more in-depth explanation as to what an O-ring is and how it attaches to your harness, see here.

Common O-ring diameters include 1.5 inches, 1.75 inches and 2.0 inches.

They are usually slightly flexible, due to being made from rubber or silicone, and can stretch a tiny amount further than these stated diameters - but not too far.

If you are looking to purchase a new O-ring for your harness, we recommend going with one of these sizes unless you are certain that you are specifically in the market for something extra-large.

These thicknesses are considered by sex toy experts around the world to be the most comfortable, effective and pleasurable for penetration.

In general, thinner diameters are recommended for anal penetration, due to the anus's lack of natural lubrication - but, as in most sex toy related situations, personal preference will vary depending on the individual.

​Base Your Decision On The Base

Other than its length and girth, another important property of your dildo to consider is the shape and width of its base.

This is the part of the dildo which will actually be inserted into the harness - and, depending on the structure of the harness, will potentially be held against your body (usually your lower abdomen or pubic bone) during penetration.

Because of this, it is important to choose a dildo with a base that is both sturdy and comfortable.

In general, when it comes to strap-on harnesses, it is recommended that you use a dildo with a thicker, wider base, rather than one which is the same uniform thin girth throughout.

Dildos with wider bases will fit more easily into the hole or O-ring of your harness, and will not slip out even during the roughest of penetration sessions.

A good example of this would be a dildo with a flared base - a style which often comes highly recommended by longtime strap-on enthusiasts - as it lays flat against your body while also keeping the dildo snug within its slit or ring.

However, keep in mind that not every wide-based dildo will be compatible with a strap-on harness.

One example of a "sometimes incompatible" dildo is the style which features a suction cup as its base.

This suction cup is used to attach your dildo to walls, floors or household objects (such as chairs, couches, desks or tables) in order to allow the user to engage in solo penetrative activities without the aid of a partner.

Suction cup dildos generally tend to fit well in harnesses, but some users have unfortunately reported that the suction cup has begun to fray or even torn off entirely during rough penetration, as they are sometimes not securely attached to the rest of the dildo.

If you are planning to combine your favorite suction-cup dildo with your strap-on harness, we recommend keeping things slow and gentle to avoid any risk of damage.

The best way to determine whether or not a dildo will stay snug inside your harness is to practice.

Wear the harness, with the dildo inserted, outside of the bedroom. Try walking around, running, jumping, doing some stretches or perhaps mimicking intercourse by bouncing up and down or thrusting your hips into the air a few times.

We get it, doing something like this might leave you feeling a little silly, but we promise, the results are worth it - there are few things which can kill a mood quicker than a dildo slipping out of its harness during sexual play!

Nowadays, the strap-on harness compatibility of many dildos are listed in the manufacturer's catalog or on their Web site.

Alternately, you can read user reviews to learn more about what sort of O-ring might be needed to match an exciting new dildo to your favorite harness.

Of course, our friendly and helpful staff members are always available to answer any questions you might have about which dildos are and are not compatible with which harnesses!

​Insert Your Dildo Before...Well, Inserting Your Dildo

Wait, what? you're probably asking. That section title makes no sense? What are you talking about? But don't worry, we're here to explain!

It should seem fairly obvious that you should make sure that the dildo is securely inserted into the strap-on harness before beginning to engage in intercourse with your partner.

However, many strap-on newbies - and possibly even those who have been integrating such toys into their bedroom play for several years - may not be aware that there is actually a recommended "order of operations" so to speak, when getting dressed and ready for strap-on play.

Specifically, it is recommended that you insert the dildo securely into the harness before putting the harness on.

This method carries the least risk of damaging either harness or dildo and also allows you to make certain that the dildo is snug and will not sag or move around during sexual activity.

If your dildo is straight and thin, it can usually be slipped through the hole or ring starting with the tip. This is the easiest method of insertion.

Simply pull the dildo through the hole until the base is resting against the fabric harness.

Once you have finished your play, remove the harness first before removing the dildo in the exact same manner as you put it in.

However, dildos featuring a bent or curved shape or add-ons such as a knot, bulge or simulated testicles may not be able to be inserted in this manner.

Instead, gently guide the base through the hole or O-ring slowly and carefully, making sure not to bend the dildo or stretch the ring as you do so.

When removing the dildo from the harness at the end of play, resist the temptation to tug on it or roughly rip it out so you can get to your post-coital cuddling - maneuver it out of the hole as gently as possible to ensure that the base of the dildo does not sustain any damage.

If you follow the instructions presented in this section, both your harness and your dildo should last for years and years without experiencing any major damage or degradation in quality.

However, if any part of your setup does begin to lose its effectiveness, such as an O-ring becoming cracked or a harness strap fraying, make sure to replace it as soon as possible.

The number one way to make sure that your whole apparatus stays in the best shape possible is to address problems as soon as they occur, before they can be allowed to worsen and even potentially result in permanent damage.

​Other Factors To Consider

When purchasing a dildo to match your strap-on harness, the two most important things to think about are its measurements and the size and shape of its base.

These are necessary to make sure that the dildo will fit properly and create an effective, sturdy strap-on setup which can allow you and your partner to experience numerous intense, athletic or perhaps even acrobatic sessions of penetration play.

However, those are of course not the only things which need to be considered when purchasing a dildo.

After all, whether or not fits properly into your harness is only one aspect of your dildo's function - it should also be comfortable for you and pleasurable for your partner.

After all, what good is a dildo which slides perfectly into your harness's O-ring if it doesn't allow your partner to experience earth-shaking orgasms during penetration?

Here are some other factors which you should consider to make sure that each dildo you purchase will enhance yours and your partner's bedroom activities as much as possible:

  • Texture Does your dildo feel hard or soft? Rough or smooth? Is it similar to human skin, or not at all? Does it feature texture changing add-ons such as veins? Is it warm or cold to the touch - and how easy is it to warm up/cool down according to the penetrated partner's preference?

  • Material: Silicone is generally considered to be the highest quality dildo material available for purchase, due to possessing a similar feel to real human flesh. However, some people do have allergies to silicone which prevent them from using this material. Allergic individuals should instead seek out dildos made from latex or softer plastics.

    In addition, keep in mind that silicone dildos should not be used together with silicone-based lubricants, as they can cause the material of the dildo to break down. If you go with a silicone strap-on, choose water- or oil-based lubricants instead!

  • Shape: As we mentioned earlier, strap-on dildos should have thick or flared bases in order to best fit in the harness's hole or O-ring. However, it's not just the shape of the dildo's base which is important - after all, differently shaped dildos will provide different forms and amounts of pleasure!

    So here are some questions which you can ask yourself - is the dildo thin or thick? Is it straight, curved or bent? Does it feature any additions such as knots, bulges, testicles or simulated pubic hair?

    Keep in mind that thinner dildos are usually recommended for anal sex due to the anus being as naturally elastic as the vagina, while curved or bent dildos are usually better for stimulating both the male prostate and the female G-spot.

  • Ease of Use / Ease of Maintenance Some dildos are significantly easier than others to insert into the harness's hole or O-ring. In general, a straight, thin dildo with a flared or widened base will be the simplest to insert, while uniquely shaped dildos will often present various difficulties. In addition, some dildos will be significantly easier to keep clean between sessions than others.

    We recommend reading up on the cleaning requirements of each dildo you are interested in before making your final purchase. Additionally, select dildos which feature inherent resistances to mold, mildew and bacteria to make extra sure that your favorite toy stays clean and safe at all times!

  • Add-Ons / Additional Features: What additional features does this dildo offer? Does it rotate or vibrate during penetration? Is it designed to stimulate the clitoris, prostate or G-spot? Can it be easily heated or cooled for the purpose of engaging in temperature play?

    Some dildos may even feature add-ons which allow the partner doing the penetrating to also receive pleasure during the act - double-headed dildos are the most common example of this.

  • Price Of course, price is also a factor to consider. In general, we recommend that if you are going to spend extra money on one element of your strap-on, choose the harness over the dildo.

    Dildos are easily replaceable and typically fairly inexpensive - in addition, maintaining a large collection of dildos will add more variety to yours and your partner's bedroom activities. However, a single good, sturdy harness can easily last you for years and years, and can be safely used with a wide range of dildos of all shapes and sizes. To learn more about how to select a high-quality harness, see our article here.

Now that you've learned everything there is to know about purchasing dildos, it's time to go ahead and buy one...or several!

Add to your collection today by heading over to our catalog and browsing our amazing selection of strap-on dildos and harnesses.

If you have any questions regarding our dildos or strap-on harnesses, feel free to contact our staff at any time.

Also, if you're interested in learning more about the exciting and pleasurable world of strap-ons, why not try out our guide to pegging here, our instructional guide to putting on a harness here, or our harness material comparison found right over here?

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