A Quick Guide to Popular Fetishes for BDSM Lovers

Posted by Andrew Schroeder on

BDSM is about pleasure, emotions, devotion, and power. For most people, it is the way of reaching higher levels of intense feelings, sexual excitement, and even love. And the best thing about BDSM is that whether you’re a newbie or an expert, there’s always something new to try out.

Introducing new things to your BDSM play is crucial if you want to make it more exciting and intense. So, all you need to create a mind-blowing BDSM experience is a bit of creativity.

Consensual Non-Consent/Rape Play

Since so many women have forced sex fantasies, consensual non-consensual play (CNC), or rape play, is quite popular in BDSM. It’s an activity that involves the Dom attacking the Sub physically and sexually according to a prearranged scenario. Safewords are of crucial importance here.

Even though it is so popular, this type of BDSM play isn’t for everyone. It requires a huge amount of trust and understanding of the reasons why the Dom and the Sub want to engage in such activity in the first place.

So, before trying CNC for the first time, it’s essential to discuss every detail and determine what exactly you want. Maybe it sounds silly, given that it shouldn’t feel consensual, but it’s much safer that way.

When planning a scenario, you can make it more interesting by introducing rape in some other sort of roleplay. For example, a crazy maniac breaking into the house, or a boss sexually attacking his secretary. Also, in case you have some experience with them, you can use tools like rope or knife to make a scene feel more real.

What’s interesting about rape play is the idea of the Sub fighting back and being overpowered in the end. When using force upon them, the Sub has no other way out but surrender. So the whole idea of forcing someone into submission is what makes CNC so tempting.

Blindfolding and Sensory Deprivation

Depriving a Sub of their senses is a perfect way of making a scene more intense. That tiny detail adds much more excitement to the play and brings the exchange of power to a new level. And the best part is that it goes perfectly with every other BDSM activity.

The most common tools used for sensory deprivation are blindfolds and earplugs. Limitation of the Sub’s ability to see or hear makes them feel more helpless, exposed, and at the complete mercy of their Dom. At the same time, it sharpens their sense of touch. For that reason, sensory deprivation is often a staple practice in impact play, breast torture, sensation play, bondage, etc.

When wearing a blindfold, the Sub’s reactions to pain or other sensations are stronger. The Dom usually finds that quite interesting, especially if they’re sadistic. Other than being effective when engaging in a sadomasochistic type of play, sensory deprivation also gives the Dom more sense of power and control over their Sub. Since they can’t see what’s going on, they don’t know what to expect next, which is both terrifying and thrilling to them.

Introducing Sensory Deprivation to Your Play

Every real kinkster knows that fear plays a significant role in creating a powerful BDSM scene. Allowing the Sub to hear, but not to see, and doing things that make them wonder about what you’re going to do next is a perfect way of scaring them.

For example, you can light a candle before you start a nipple torture scene. The Sub would hear that and suspect what it meant, feeling more scared and expecting to feel hot wax on their nipples every second. But if they don’t feel it for some time, they would possibly think they heard wrong. And then, when they least expect it, you can finish torturing their nipples with dripping hot wax over their breasts.

Since it makes the Sub more sensitive to outside stimulations, sensory deprivation can be of great help when performing orgasm control. Also, a blindfold would allow them to get into their favorite sexual fantasy more easily. And you can always build more intense and exciting scenes by adding other exciting details to it, like bondage and slut-shaming.

Needle Play

When it comes to any risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), it’s crucial to prepare properly beforehand. If you and your partner choose to try anything, you should first have a long conversation about it. Determining why you want to try it and how to do it safely is a must. You’ll also have to learn about the potential risks of needle play.

This isn’t for people who don’t like inflicting or taking pain. However, needle play doesn’t have to be that painful. It all depends on how you do it, where you place needles, for how long you leave them on, and what type of needles you use.

The most popular piercing areas are genitals, buttocks, thighs, breasts, and back. It’s not unsafe to insert them anywhere you want, as long as you stay away from the eyes. But it would be best if you always watched for the angle not to be steeper than 15 degrees.

The needle size is usually 18–25 gauge, but it’s recommended for beginners to use 22 gauge. Hygiene is of great importance when getting engaged in this activity. You need to be fully prepared, and to have disinfectants, gloves, and gauze at hand during the session. Of course, those should always be brand new and sterilized.

The Subs usually experience a huge endorphins rush while playing with needles. So it’s essential to make sure they are doing fine during the scene and to be prepared if they react unexpectedly. They can even faint.

Also, be aware that needle play can result in bruises and scars. However, sometimes, that’s the whole purpose. So, once again, it’s crucial to talk in detail before you start. But as long as safety is your number one priority, needle play can be an exhilarating and intense experience.

Whipping/Spanking

Whipping and spanking are possibly the most popular BDSM fetishes, at least when it comes to impact play. Since pain and pleasure are tightly connected, sadomasochistic activities are a great way of experiencing intense sexual satisfaction and release of stress.

Both spanking and whipping are often used for disciplinary purposes. But in that case, they aren’t supposed to feel good. When the Dom punishes the Sub by spanking or whipping them, they are doing it to correct bad behavior, so the beating is more severe and cruel than the Sub wants it to be.

But unlike the popular belief, painful activities in BDSM aren’t always a form of punishment. More often, impact play is something both the dominant and submissive partners enjoy doing. It helps them create a more intense BDSM scene and to get sexually aroused.

Also, the endorphin rush the Sub experiences during impact play helps them reach the state of mind called “subspace.” In combination with other hormones, like adrenaline, endorphins can cause a feeling many often describe as a “sensation of floating.” The subspace is a defense our mind can create to make handling of the pain and stress more easy for us. However, it’s not that simple to reach it, and not every Sub has experienced it.

How to Do It Safely?

When engaging with any BDSM activity that can result in injury, it’s important to know how to do it properly. So, when it comes to impact play, there are areas on a human’s body that you should avoid striking.

When whipping the Sub’s back, stay away from the kidney area. It’s much safer to stick with upper back and shoulders. Also, don’t strike anybody with a whip across their face. And be careful when striking breasts, stomach or intimate parts — don’t hit too hard there, and carefully choose what you’ll use.

As long as you stick with thighs and buttocks, it’s unlikely you’ll seriously hurt someone. Of course, if you use a certain type of whip and hit hard enough, you can cut their skin or bruise them badly. On the other hand, it’s almost impossible to do that when you spank someone with your hands. So, before you get started, make sure you agree on how far you want to go.

Anal Gaping

If you want to make sure anal sex will feel great for both of you, try performing anal gaping beforehand. It’s an act of opening one’s anus wide for a certain period of time. By doing so, you get well stretched out and ready to take big size toys (or a penis) more easily.

However, anal gaping isn’t something you do strictly to make anal sex and play more pleasurable. The act itself can be quite humiliating, empowering, or sweet, depending on the way you do it.

Anal gaping makes the Sub feel exposed entirely to their Dom. They are doing something to become a better and more exciting fuck toy. Basically, the whole idea of a Sub trying hard to please their Dom sexually is thrilling for both parties.

Before you start, you’ll first need to use the toilet. It’s also a good idea to use an enema too, if possible, to make sure you’re completely clean and ready to go. And using different sized anal dildos and buttplugs is quite helpful and highly recommended.

Take your time to get aroused and properly prepared for the play. If you want to avoid injuries, you should use lube and start with smaller toys. And in case you want to build a more exciting scene, dirty talking, slut-shaming, or praising a Sub for doing so good are great psychological tools for spicing things up even more.

Mind Control/Hypnotism

First things first — hypnotism is not something you should experiment with if you don’t know how to do it. And in case you’re ready to study it, you’ll need a lot of time to learn it.

On the other hand, the idea of controlling someone on such a deep level is very tempting to a lot of people who practice BDSM. The state of mind you can reach through hypnosis is more open to suggestions, more ready to adopt new ideas or behavioral patterns, and to throw away habits and emotional baggage. Of course, it’s not likely that these will happen only after the first session.

For those reasons, mind control is often used in slave training. By entering the slave’s mind, the Master (or Mistress) gets access to their deepest emotions, beliefs, and thoughts. When performing hypnosis, the master learns a lot about their slave’s inner life, and they get to know them on a profound level.

Also, once they open the slave’s mind, they can make suggestions, helping them to adopt new habits and ways of thinking and solve emotional problems. By doing so, a slave is more likely to change their self-image so that they can see themselves as a slave, which usually isn’t easy for them.

This activity isn’t as risky as it may seem since the Sub is aware of everything that’s going on the entire time. But the level of power exchange present in the act of mind control is still very high. Even though it’s an excellent tool for slave training and psychologically dominating Subs in general, it’s not a fetish you should be messing with lightly.

Latex Bondage

Latex is very popular in BDSM. Some people like it for its aesthetics, while others use it in bondage because it can be quite uncomfortable to wear. Also, there’s a great number of latex suits made especially for bondage.

The idea behind bondage, in general, is to make the Sub feel helpless and exposed. When tied up, the Sub has no other options than to let it go and accept their role. And when it’s done in a way that makes them feel trapped in an uncomfortable position, then the bondage becomes a fantastic tool for performing physical and psychological torture.

When it comes to latex bondage, the material itself plays an important role. It has a specific texture and flexibility, and you can even manipulate it after you put it on. In BDSM, latex suits, bads, bags, and such are often used in performing bondage due to their efficiency and easy utilization.

By covering the Sub entirely in latex, you can completely limit and disable their movements. One more great thing about latex bondage is that, when you put it on really tight, you feel it pinching and pressing you everywhere. For that reason, latex bondage can be great for breath play. But be careful when engaging with such activities, especially if you’re covering your Sub’s face in latex.

DDLG/Age Play

DDLG stands for Daddy Dom/Little Girl. It refers to a type of roleplay in which the Sub behaves like a child, while the Dom takes a parental role. It’s a power exchange type of play that allows one to take full control over their partner, who gave her consent.

The submissive partner who identifies with the role of a little girl sees this type of BDSM activity as a chance to take a break from her everyday worries and responsibilities. During age play, she reaches a state of mind that in BDSM is called “little space,” a safe place where she feels protected and comfortable with that part of herself.

In most cases, little space is a result of age regression, which is a coping mechanism that some people have, no matter if they practice BDSM or not. But that doesn’t mean that every Sub who enjoys age play has to regress.

Daddy Dom is the authoritative partner who enjoys taking care of his girl in a way a parent would take care of a child. He praises her for coloring a picture for him, helps her put her clothes on, does her hair, reads her bedtime stories, etc. By doing such things, he makes her feel little, safe, and cherished.

Contrary to most people’s beliefs, spanking and sex don’t have to be a part of age play. And even if they are, that’s not the whole point. The primary goal here is to create a safe place for both the Dom and the Sub so that they can relax and relieve tension and stress.

DDLG as a Type of D/S Relationship

In some cases, DDLG isn’t just roleplay but a type of relationship that’s a bit different than a typical D/S relationship. However, the main aspects are pretty much the same — the Dom makes rules for the Sub to follow, disciplines her, and controls some parts of her everyday life.

But Daddy Dom’s approach is somewhat different. He’s usually nurturing and patient type of Dom who helps his girl grow and develop as a person and provides her with everything she needs to do so. That means he’ll make her work on her skills to become better at her job, or help her adopt healthy life habits, or encourage her to learn things she always wanted to.

So, being in a DDLG relationship doesn’t mean roleplaying the whole time. Also, since both partners are consenting adults, it has nothing to do with pedophilia. DDLG is all about a strong emotional connection, devotion, feeling cherished and secured, and needed and appreciated.

Sissification

If you’re into Femdom, then you’ve probably heard, if not tried out this BDSM fetish. Sissification is the activity of making a male Sub dress like a woman, generally to humiliate them. Since Dommes and male Subs are often into heavy degradation, this fetish is quite popular among Femdom lovers.

When planning a scenario that involves this activity, the Domme usually treats her Sub like a girl, calls him by a female name, and uses other psychological tools to make him feel degraded. At the same time, the guy is supposed to behave in a feminine way to entertain and please his Mistress.

However, in some cases, men enjoy dressing like a woman for other reasons too. Maybe they strongly identify with female sex, and they feel more like themselves when they take part in this BDSM practice. So, when it comes to sissification, feminization can be forced or more “natural.”

Sissification is often a part of other roleplay scenarios. Typically, the male Sub plays a servile role. For example, the Domme acts as a Mistress of the house and a Sub as a maid. Also, the Domme often treats her feminized Sub as a human pet or calls him names like “whore” or “bitch,” Sometimes, she performs other activities on him, like deepthroat training or pegging.

In other words, the lady tries to make the man feel more like a woman and more humiliated because of it. So, even though sissification doesn’t involve any particularly risky activities, humiliation isn’t something you should take lightly. It’s not for everyone, so don’t do it if you don’t like it, or if you don’t feel like it at the moment.

Dirty Talk and Humiliation

Dirty talking is a vital part of almost every BDSM scene. It’s a perfect way of adding a crucial, psychological element to your sessions. By talking with your Sub in a degrading way, you make them feel more submissive, understand their current role perfectly, and feel more eager to please and obey.

But, when talking dirty to humiliate a Sub, you should be careful and aware of what’s acceptable to them. Since humiliation is such a relative concept, it’s quite easy to cross the line and say something that would result in your partner unwilling to go on.

Also, timing is of great importance. It’s not always the right time to call someone “a dirty slut,” no matter how much they enjoy it in general. When said out of context, insults can feel awkward for both dominant and submissive partners.

Some Simple but Interesting Ideas for Humiliation

The best thing about dirty talking and humiliation is that you can get really, really creative. There are so many different ways of humiliating a person. It’s not just about calling names; it’s about creating a situation that makes the Sub feel small, vulnerable, controlled, and degraded.

A lot of Doms like making Subs beg them to do something they find humiliating. In that way, the Sub receives “a double portion” of degradation at once. It can get even more interesting if the Dom insists that the Sub pleads in the most pathetic way possible.

One more idea for humiliating someone in a more specific way is to praise them without good reason. You can order them to do something straightforward and then praise them as if they did something incredible. This situation would make the Sub feel confused and overwhelmed with joy and shame of being appreciated without good reason.

Some Subs feel degraded when ordered to do meaningless tasks. For example, to take out every piece of clothing in the wardrobe and put them all back in. And if you say things to them like: “You’re not even worthy of getting a meaningful task to do for me!” the effect may be just perfect.

Cock and Ball Torture/Stepping

This one is only for very masochistic male Subs. Cock and ball torture, or CBT, often takes part in BDSM activities that involve female domination and sadomasochism. In typical CBT play, the Domme tortures their Sub by inflicting pain on their most intimate and precious parts.

Most often, she performs CBT by slapping, kicking, stepping, squeezing, etc. Sometimes, the woman wears high heels, so the whole experience gets even more terrifying and intense. It’s also not unusual for her to use tools like a flogger, or in more extreme cases, needles.

Fear plays a great role in performing cock and ball torture. Since man’s genital area is so sensitive, they are quite protective of it and often petrified of feeling pain down there. For that reason, Domme often uses that fear against them to make them feel more vulnerable and exposed. Humiliation and verbal degradation can also take part in this BDSM activity.

Like any other S/M play, cock and ball torture increases the level of endorphins in the body, which is why some men enjoy it that much. At the same time, it comes with risks of hurting someone for real. So, when participating in this or other painful BDSM activities, it’s imperative to do it safely.

Cuckolding

Cuckolding is becoming quite popular in the BDSM community lately. It’s an activity that has a lot ot do with emotional sadism and masochism. The concept is simple: the Sub denied sexual pleasure while the Dom gets involved with others in front of them. So, it’s not that much about specific sexual behavior, but about humiliation in general.

The term “cuckold” itself refers to a man whose wife has sex with other men. However, it’s not a requirement for a man and a woman to be married to engage in this fetish. They can be in any type of relationship that consists of D/S aspects.

So, it’s a type of play that involves a considerable amount of humiliation and emotional pain. The Domme can also put it in a context of sexual domination by locking the Sub in chastity. Verbal degradation can be a part of cuckolding too.

Even though this fetish is usually a Femdom thing, a male Dom and a female Sub can perform similar activities too. Sometimes it’s not about a man feeling humiliated, but about a degraded woman who’s given to other men by her Dom to use her in any way they want.

Either way, cuckolding isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. Before trying it, it’s vital to discuss it and be aware of possible consequences. Maybe it doesn’t involve physical pain, but that doesn’t make it less risky. Such activities can be enjoyable and exciting for both parties but also destructive for relationships.


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